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So tried to leave my husband around (detail removed by Moderator) ago. He made all these promises. Of course he hasn’t kept them. Feel worse than I did before. Why wasn’t I strong enough to leave last time. Now im stuck worse than before but I feel like I can’t approach friends etc like last time as they will say told you so. I don’t feel I can approach women’s aid again.
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bless your heart, of course you can contact your local da service – they understand these types of relationships completely knowing exactly why women can be so easily manipulated back to their abusers (again & again & again sometimes)
sadly friends or family do find it difficult to understand though. its such a shame that they dont know how trauma bonding works, as well as all the breadcrumbing & manipulation
but you might be pleasantly surprised & find that your friends are just relieved that you want out. i should think all they truly want is to see you respect & value yourself, because they care about you
do hope you contact your local da service for some support as soon as you feel able to x -
That sounds like his voice saying people won’t help you & your only choice is to stay.
As already said, those not in these situations find it hard to relate because they’ve not experienced it or know the complexities involved. Even if they say ‘told you so’ they might then be fully willing to help, and if they don’t well they’re not your people.
It’s said many times but it takes on average 7 attempts to leave. You gave him another chance, you had to feel like you’d tried everything before giving up and that’s not a bad thing. It’s not your fault he made false promises, that’s 100% on him but the fact he did is a very valid reason to leave now xx
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TheBoldType, you know, you are in the same place where most of us are or have been. Abuse, especially covert psychological abuse is such a complex issue… That is my case too. I sometimes wish that I had bruises to show, but only my soul and my self-confidence are bruised for life! And yes, people will say, I told you so, equally, after a while people just move on and don’t want to hear about it anymore. If I have learned something in my already long life is that a very small amount of these men really change, but most don’t. This is who they are. (detail removed by Moderator). In my case I have tried all kinds of approaches with different men, nothing ever worked, even if my ex-husband did end up writing a long letter of apology and even read it to our previous therapist. That did me a lot of good… but then we tried again and I was so tired that it didn’t work. (detail removed by Moderator).
As Bananaboat said, it is very difficult for others to relate. I find that even professionals often can’t related because they only work within the government’s very strict guidelines, so they have no idea what the reality is for victims of abuse and are not willing to listen either. I have had therapy from Women’s Aid during my last divorce and have been trying to get the energy to use the chat and ask for help once again. We need to keep trying… and one day the sun will shine again! I just wish that there was more help and better help out there. The government needs to listen to the victims, not make fantasy scenarios in their heads, because that does not help us! Take care………
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