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I need some help off you lovely ladies, I left several years ago after years of emotional abuse, quizzing etc and took our child with me, I set up home etc, and was happy, but lonely or confused, I don’t know that time in my life is blocked from memory I think due to the stress I was under. After some time I finally was able to grieve for the relationship (about a year later) however in my stupidity rather than get my head straight I gave him another chance, he seemed genuinely sorry, and wanted to prove he was the man for me.. After several attempts at going back and leaving again (I messed him about), I decided to give up my life I worked hard to achieve and move back in for one last go with my son. Although things have not been anywhere near as bad there is still some issues, still have the feeling like I am walking on eggshells (at times), the fact I don’t want to sleep with him but do anyway for an easy life :(, I feel like he is trying to buy me (this he will use against me and brags to his friends), he goes out when he wants, I have to forewarn him and organise everything for our son (I only go out once a month with my girls for few hours, he is out at least 2 nights a week) but he still seems to go into a mood, which he denies when I go out. He doesnt seem to want me out, when we do go out its away from his regular haunt, im always petrified of bumping into someone I know or him embarrassing me (which he has done lately), I don’t like being in the car with him (this is were I felt trapped in the past and had huge rows) so we rarely do anything as a family, he quizzes me if I do something random with my son, who you meeting, why there etc. He is older than me, and I don’t want to live my life like this – I’m pretty sure I don’t love him, but do care about him I suppose… When we broke up I found him in a worrying state, he threatened suicide, Im also petrified of him doing something stupid, this I couldn’t live with. However I have been saving from September in an attempt to get some money together to leave and take our child with me, however Im worried about how much stress he will put on me, his family (who know what he is like) will have something to say given I messed him about when getting back im dreading this.. He will tell anyone that listens that I used him etc for money. I need to make sure im making the right decision, however I feel so guilty as he is trying hard on a normal day to day, but I do feel like im settling.. Once an abuser always am abuser right (he abused his ex wife emotionally too)? or am I just being too sensitive? maybe I need counselling? you cant force love can you?
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Hi, I think you know it’s time to go and abusers never change. Lots and lots of red flags but the main one is you’re scared of him. You walk on eggshells. This should never ever be the case in a relationship and that is enough in itself to,leave. The FOG of abuse keeps us trapped. The Fear Obligation and Guilt. You can have zero contact with him and his family when you leave. You have the choice to keep these people out of your life. Hand over can be done via a third party with your son. Many abusers use threats of suicide. Just another control tactic. He is not your responsibility.
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Hi, I think you know deep down what you want to do. You were happy when you left and can be happy again. I’m sure his family will say something but shame on them if they do, especially if they know what he’s like. At the end of the day you don’t need to have anything to do with any of them. I know you said its not as bad as it was, but its clear how unhappy you are, and you deserve to be happy! Dont let him drag you down! As for the guilt trip about him threatening to harm himself, like I’ve realised since joining this, it is a threat to get you to feel sorry for him.
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