What do you do to take your mind off it all?

[Eyeswideopen]

Recently divorced after a long horrible time trying to separate living in same house, suffering the escalation of emotional and sometimes physical abuse. Now he’s out he won’t talk to me and insist I share everything I do around kids as a means to control what I’m doing, and on rare occasions answers my texts or calls or interacts in person, continues to be aggressive.
I’m trying my hardest to move on and get my mind off things and stop believing the threats and fearing for my life but it’s all I think about or do when not busy working or something else.
I’m now looking for ptsd assessment and got some antianxiety pills from gp, though haven’t taken any yet, but wondering what others do to take mind off it? I spend any free time reading through this forum and researching abuse podcasts and articles, which are reassuring what I went through as he is a textbook n********t, literally has done everything everyone mentions, but I am still in fear mode and he triggers me at every interaction.
I just want to be free of the throught of him… Kids teens so can communicate with him direct but if they don’t reply what he expects, when he expects, he lashes out on me even though I’m trying to stay out of it on the kids request.
I don’t have hobbies and not many close friends/ no fam around, feel like he still takes over my life…
I guess I’m still partly very very sad things took this turn as I recall the good times, pictures, and grieve for what was lost, and feel sad for him that he thrives in this horrible energy…
I still wish him well, just to be happy, as only that would allow me to do the same.
I’m in a new relationship but we don’t meet often as still keep it secret from him out of fear, so don’t really enjoy it as much as constantly feel anxious he’ll spoil the moment as he’s done many times by calling asking where I am and demanding I’m back for whatever reason, which I do as fear for the kids taking his tantrums alone…
I just need to get my mind off all of this….
Pls help.

[Hereforhelp]

Ho eyeswideopen, well done as he is put now… I remember how traumatic it was for you living either him whilst navigating divorce etc…

I used the grey rock method with my ex, I responded only if necessary, if he texted too much or over nothing I would ignore his demands… that’s what mine did once he was out, he tried everything to get to me..

Is there any way you can stop contact direct with him if your children are older?

You say you wish him well and want him to be happy as that’s the only way you can be happy….. these men are not happy, they want power/control… there’s no closure or change in their behaviour as they do not take any responsibility ever.

I had to learn to get to know myself as the women I now am, 20 odd years of marriage to my.abusive husband has changed me.

Hugs HFH ❤️

[Mellow]

I’m having this issue all the time and left a while ago I did get a part time job which I’m happy about but still think of him a lot and talk of him a lot I hate his guts but still sort of wish him well I think I’m trauma bonded of what I’ve lost as a fantasy.we were together (detail removed by moderator) and he had a dual life I think about the deceitfulness a lot as he gave no closure I do spend a lot of time making my house a home as I moved out and doing gardening and cleaning and trying to be the best parent I can be.I’m not ready for a new relationship I want to focus on me and making my life better. and I do feel what’s happening with you now will affect your current relationship as it did me when I left and found someone but fingers crossed.

[StrongLife]

The stress, I watch movies, series etc especially in high stress (like now). Enjoy doing this. I also exercise- walking, exercise videos etc. can recommend both of these.

[Author]

Posts