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Looking back now he were planning for me to get pregnant quite quickly.. it were something he once said to gis friend… he said she wont need sanitary wear soon.. he also told me what sexual positions he once did with one of his ex (detail removed by Moderator). he joked about calling round to his sisters next door neighbours and sleeping with her. Violence from week (detail removed by Moderator). Bruised eye head smashed of the wall chain ripped of my neck. Smashed his foot through my twin sons toy (detail removed by Moderator) they were only (detail removed by Moderator) at the time. All because he couldnt hear the t.v. once locked me in because i wanted to go out…. theres miles more… went on nearly (detail removed by Moderator) decades. But ive been out (detail removed by Moderator) years. Ive had blips but id NEVER go back…. get out and stay out!!!!!!!!!!!
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Wow, what you went through sounds horrendous, well done for getting out! I had the whole wanting to get me pregnant early thing, it worked, I now have a daughter, it’s been years and I’m still trying to get out, I’ve got my plan though and the day is imminent. Mine isn’t nearly as bad as what you’ve experienced, but I will breathe a sigh of relief once it’s over. x
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Red flags were: him ‘jokingly’ telling me to shut up and ‘jokingly’ punching me in the arm on one of our early dates. I wrote it off as him growing up with sisters and because my brother has always teased me it seemed acceptable (when really it isn’t). After seducing me and encouraging me to stay over he then ridiculed me for having slept with him, and then gaslighted me by implying I’d imagined him ridiculing me when I asked him about it later on saying it bothered me.
Very quick, over the top sudden temper about tiny things – he was not able to take the slightest bit of criticism or blame for anything, everything always had to be my fault. Early jokes about sex, women, domestic abuse which I questioned him about but he was able to explain away. Being rough with my body in bed and not apologising for bruising me. Never being introduced to his friends! Wanting me to spend all my time with him, moving things fast, being very keen then suddenly seeming much less interested as soon as he knew I’d started to like him. Acting strange on different days of the week and denying any change (I think on these days he had slept with someone at work, ugh). Monitoring me and getting ‘anxious’ if I didn’t text him each morning telling him where I was. There are so many, it scares me how despite all the red flags I was completely and utterly brainwashed by him and thought he was this great guy when the truth was staring me in the face!
I think the fact that I’d been single for a long time before him had made me a bit naive about men and relationships so I was easier to dupe, it didn’t even cross my mind that he might be cheating because he seemed so keen on me (while I was unsure about him). I didn’t know anything about domestic abuse or psychopaths so didn’t know what to look out for. I just hope to god that I can spot one in future, it is so awful how good they are at appearing like these innocent little lambs. The ultimate wolves in sheeps clothing.
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He pushed for the relationship to progress very quickly.
He got angry very easily.
He was very judgemental of other people
He made his ex out to be crazy (now discovered behind every crazy lady is a bad man!). He talked about another ex in a very degrading manner.
He told me stories about past events and I was unhappy with the way he dealt with them. Dealt with using anger and aggression.
This seems like a small thing but he had an issue with any female manager he had but never with a male.
Another small thing but the relationship his Mum and Dad had sounded strange, like the Dad had all the power.
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Wanting to get romantically involved at the speed of light!
Isolating me by criticising my friends and family
Destroying my personal items ie gifts from male fellow students, friends’ s letters, warning me he would destroy them and that such action was necessary and had been for too long (!!!!!)
Telling he would never divorce me, he would be the best dad
Telling me to be friendly only to couples, not single people, telling me it would be offensive to have friends as single people, that this is what everyone in a couple would expect
Criticizing my family members, Mocking them
Threatening to punch my dad
Getting me an engagement ring within just a very few months
Being a loner
Abusing alcohol
Telling me to do certain sexual things and if I refused, telling me I needed psychiatric help
Getting vexed at the speed of light, often for nothing
Projecting blame on me, expecting me to move on despite his shocking attitude
No empathy
Possessiveness
Jealousy
Not allowing me to feel and act young despite being in early adulthood
Having little respect for his parents
Having punched a student in his teenage years in so called self defense because of bullying
Not wanting to divulge any information out his previous girlfriend
Hearing voices of fellow students calling me while I rang him, apparently they were all calling me away from the phone (it was just background noise in a foyer)
Arguing a lot
Demanding very regular letters weekly, accusing me of neglecting him if I didn’t send enough letters
Telling me I was “cold”The list goes on…
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What a great topic Icandothis! I have been looking for something like this as its scary but reassuring how many of us go through the red flags and then blame ourselves.
For me, it was:
He had no friends, absolutely no social life.
A very short previous marriage.
Over the top love bombing.
Needed constant reassurance.
Quick temper.
Would suddenly disappear for days.
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