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I was thinking back to the movie Sleeping With The Enemy, where she finally escaped and was in her own house. As as an act of freedom. she pushed over a can in the cupboard (if you haven’t seen it – one of her ex’s controlling issues was that the cupboards had to be precisely and uniformly stacked).
What are some tiny things that you dream of having the freedom to do? Simple things like having flannels and towels that don’t match?
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My dreams came true. Imagine going to bed anytime you want without being pestered for sex. Imagine staying in bed in the morning without being pestered to get up or groped. To watch television without being told it’s mindless rubbish. I used to jump up and turn the tv off when I heard him coming in. To eat what I want, when I want. To leave the house messy if I feel like it. To drive home without that nervous sick feeling of anxiety. Not having to sit in a lay by building up courage to go home. To make changes to my home without it being a huge deal. Not to walk on eggshells anymore. And the list goes on…….💕
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Hi KIP I do that too, turn the tv off when he comes in, it’s as if I’m not allowed to watch tv, or what I like is rubbish, his words are that’s pi.h, yet when he’s off, it’s on as soon as he gets up. Your life with your ex sounds exactly like mine. He always wants to fill empty time with having sex, it’s actually beginning to sicken me.
You are my inspiration, one day I will be on my own.
IWMB 💕💕
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There are so many things what I was dreaming about.
with my first abuser – I was not allowed to buy clothes, or to watch any movie or program, which one I would like. I could not have TV programmes, we had no TV package. I could not even buy a women’s magazine to read. I was not allowed to go to hairdresser, or dentist even if I was in pain. I have to eat when he is eating and eating what he allows me to eat. I was not allowed to say my thoughts or opinion, or idea. I was not allowed to spend my money. I was not allowed to make any choices. I was not allowed to carry on with education or working on my carrier. Or to have any dreams or ideas. Or sleep when I would like to. He was not allowing me to sleep properly. I was not allowed to have friends or be in touch with family.You have to do as I told you, or there would be consequences. He never stopped until he got what he wanted. No matter how you protest. So it was easier to give up, at least I would have a break from constant pressure and shouting, throwing things, verbal abuse, emotional, physical.
Now I can do all these things, it is part of my life. I’m in the driving seat and NEVER want to give up this DRIVING seat.
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Getting hold of a nativity set – and ditching Joseph, just having Mary and the baby with a candle behind, because I am a single mum and want to feel as if God is looking after us…and need to be held in the LIght.
Not having to argue about what I am making for breakfast.
and most all of what ladies have mentioned here.
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Oh My! I have dreamed and dreamed of my life post-nightmare! There are so many things I would do, like;
– Keeping the place tidy, knowing that nobody is going to deliberately leave mess on the floor for me to clean up.
– Have colour in the house, pretty things and pictures, cushions, candles and ornaments! Fairy lights! Everything is beige and bland, which isn’t a bad thing but there’s no soul here.
– I’d buy the food that I want to eat, lovely vegetables, make stews and currys. The odd cake if i want to. To come home with my bags of shopping and not have an argument about every single thing HE doesn’t approve of or to have it thrown away!
– I’d plant flowers in my garden and make it look lovely and welcoming. Knowing that it’s not a waste of my time.
– I’d have a glass of wine in the evening without being called an alcoholic!
– I’d sing! I’m not allowed to sing as he hates my singing voice…
– I would watch telly if I wanted to without being told it’s for “c u next tuesdays!”
– I would go to work without being told I spend too much time there, I would have my days off without being told i’m not working hard enough!
– I would be the fun mum I used to be without being told I am an abortion of a mother, I’m not a good mum, I should be doing X,Y,Z as a mum…
– I would open up my heart again, this time knowing what I want and need in a relationship, and know that being made to feel bad or scared is not real love.
– I would take care of myself again, I would take my life back!!!This has made me feel so sad knowing that i’ll never get this staying where I am. Do you think we will ever be able to live with someone else again? I worry that i’ll never want to be with someone else and be too happy alone!
with love,
Overcome x -
It’s funny how the dream is shown in the media to be some super expensive fancy thing.
I’ve got lots of work to do to get to feeling 100%, but I would have to say I’m living the dream.
I no longer have to sleep on the sofa to avoid being raped, I can hang the washing in the living room as there is no tv to get in the way of, no one tells me I am incapable of washing up.
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I have my natural hair colour; he was always telling me what colour to dye my hair – since being away I’ve learnt that I really like my natural colour.
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Dreams that have come true:
Going out to see friends whenever I feel like it, without having to hide it from him or act as if I’d much rather be with him, and being able to enjoy myself while out without being frightened I’m going to get accused of cheating on him.
Going outside whenever I want, without being guilt-tripped for it. He hated the outdoors and never ventured out of his flat unless he had to.
Being able to enjoy hobbies without fear that he will do something to ruin them for me or to shift all my focus back onto him.
Learning to trust people again, and rediscovering what a lovely lot of friends I actually have. They’re all so happy to see me so much happier.
This last one was never a dream as such, but I’m glad it happened. I recently began a new relationship with someone who is supportive of my struggle with PTSD. So far it’s all been so…ordinary. No fits of rage. No accusations. Just cooking together, joking around, going for walks, and hanging out with mutual friends (something that never happened with my ex as he wanted all my attention). Rediscovering these ordinary things with someone who isn’t out to hurt me has been really nice.
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When I left all I wanted was the ability to come home after a long day in work without butterflies in my stomach, and sit with a cup of tea and unwind and not to fear his mood and have to drop everything to make his tea by a specific time, and then do all the jobs while he sat on his flaming laptop all night and then be told when he wanted me to go to bed.
Most of all I wanted to be able to breathe without that awful tight anxiety sitting there restricting me. I now breathe easy while I enjoy my cup of tea and my evenings are mine to do the things he never allowed or never approved of. -
I have a long way to go as it’s all very new but I dreamed of many things…..being able to say what I’m thinking without rehearsing it in my head a million times so I didn’t send you into a rage….being able to stay up as late as I wanted not you chossing when we go to bed….to go to bed and just sleep! Not be pestered for sex and you go in one of your moods until you feel asleep….to eat whatever food I liked and not be critiqued over how it’s cooked…to watch any programmes I liked…. to have a clean home to my standards not someone’s who’s were impossible to keep to… not picking up after someone who’s a complete hipocrite…being able to see friends without him suddenly needing me….being able to use the phone past a certain time… not always being on a time frame… doing something for myself without being called selfish… the list goes on. I’m so glad I’m free I miss him every day but I know his wrong for me I was never being me I was being who he wanted me to be and still never being good enough.
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