What would happen in a healthy relationship?

[Eyesopening]

I find it really helpful to compare with healthy relationships.
If for some reason you needed to end a healthy relationship by email, you had expressed your concerns and why you were unhappy throughout the relationship but nothing was changing so you leave. Telling them you are leaving because your not happy, not to contact you, only by email if needed. And perhaps we’ll talk in a month.
What would a healthy partner do?

Mine was calling texting, one day OK have your time, next day being shouted at saying its over, later told there’s a small chance – ect – lots of manipulation. Which helped me realise I did the right thing but the contact was painful. I have had no contact for nearly a week now which has been so needed.

(detail removed by Moderator) has a good video comparing healthy relationships with abusive relationships. It’s my first real relationship and I have been trained to think his behaviour was normal..
.

[KIP.]

How would you respond to such an email? I’d completely respect the other persons wishes and probably say to that person I’d leave it to them to get in touch if and when they were ready and wish them all the best. I found a good way to judge people is their reaction to being told ‘no’.

[nbumblebee]

This is what i struggle with. Knowing whats a normal relationship whats a normal silly argument in a healthy marriage. Do i just over think? Complicate arguments? Or is it really abuse?
Not really knowing a normal healthy relationship im not sure whats ok and whats not. Am interested to read others views on this. X

[Eyesopening]

Hey, I really like the way the Denominator book goes over this, if you haven’t read it xx

[KIP.]

Ask yourself how you would behave. I think that’s a good start point. Then ask yourself if your partner would behave this way in front of witnesses. Lots of abuse is in secret because they know it’s not acceptable. Keep a journal of his behaviour too and read it in a calm moment away from him. See if he accepts responsibility or if he blames. See his reaction to the word ‘no’. But basically would you treat someone you love the way he treats you. Does he nurture and encourage or is he resentful of your achievements? Can you have an adult conversation about his behaviour. Does he accepts he’s hurting you and amend his behaviour. Do you tell him his behaviour upsets you and does he validate your feelings or dismiss them x

[Eyesopening]

These are really good points Kip.
Yes I forgot that one, what would he do if he was in front of other people. One of Caroline Strawson vids says, how would he react if you told him you were terminally ill I front of others. Then think how would he react if you told him in private. It shows you a lot.
Thanks Kip x

[Eyesopening]

Also you made me realise, that he made me start to think I was not normal and I was crazy. So I didn’t quite trust myself if I was thinking about how I would react.

[Author]

Posts