When does it stop hurting ?

[Justlost]

I fled with my children a few weeks ago and are now in sheltered accommodation. It’s just us in a house . A support worker comes roughly once a week but it very much depends on if you need it.
We are far from everything I know and the days seem long and never ended. I of course feel safer here than I have and I’m not as scared anymore but I’m still scared about if we are safe and what happens next. I feel so emotional all the time and really alone. I sometimes feel like I can’t cope aswell.
I was with him(detail removed by Moderator) years and I feel also like I’ve lost someone too. Why would I feel sad about the person who scared me and ruined me.
I’m so scared of our future

[Lisa]

Hi Justlost,

I think a lot of survivors who have left would recognise the feelings you describe. Before leaving you’re in survival mode and thoughts are taken up by doing what you need to keep safe and making plans. Once you’re safe, the emotions can come flooding in. It’s normal to feel loss and sadness. Your partner was abusive but this is still the ending of a significant relationship with everything that goes with that. You might miss him, need to grieve for the future you thought you might have together, try to be kind to yourself about what’s coming up emotionally and not judge, there’s so much for you to process.

Take care and keep posting,
Lisa

[Justlost]

Thankyou for replying to me.
It’s exactly how I feel just broken

[lover of no contact]

Hi just lost,

Honestly you will feel better. These difficult feelings will pass. As Lisa says you’re grieving. Try to take it One Day at a Time. Don’t panic with these overwhelming feelings, it’s good they are coming up to the surface. It’s so challenging dealing with the situation but you are strong, capable with many talents. You will get there. We were where you are in terms of feelings and difficult situations. Trust the future will be good once you maintain No Contact with the abuser. I’ve found it helpful to write the hours for the day ahead and tick them off. One hour at a time. Small steps and you will get there.Keeo posting on here for support or use the online chat. This will help alleviate the isolation. You’ve done so well to get away. You will go from strength to strength without him.

[Decagon]

Things cand and DO get better, I was in a similar situation,it was everything you described, but slowly, step by tiny step, we found our way, and everything was so much less scary without him, than with – distance 3 figures away, rural to city life, uprooted everything and decided – this is my new start, we are going to get used to this, make it work, no return.

Dealing with feelings, as they are there, is important – did know until much, much later – they don’t go away, they reappear, much later, out of context, and disjointed.

Lisa is right, it is a grief and big loss, step by step, you will get through this, there is much happiness awaiting you, be gentle and kind to your self, take the happy times, when they happen and run with them, healing hugs x*x

[Rabbitgirlyy]

You will heal. It will take time but you will x

[Author]

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