When does it stop?! **offload**

[Krazy]

I got out of my violent, n*********c relationship (timeframe removed by Moderator) years ago! (timeframe removed by Moderator) years ago and this man still causes so much grief with our daughters…. this man has lost his family, been to jail, nearly overdosed on drugs and instead of deciding to be a better person after these major events in his life he choses to be worse… I didn’t think it was possible to be worse but he finds it!

This man does not support any of girls in any way… emotionally, financially, physically he never shows up… he doesn’t pay CSA (dodges it well) he doesn’t get gifts or cards or even calls on christmas/birthdays… he calls them when he needs them… to vent that the latest girlfriend has cheated on him, or rant that he’s been done out of money by someone he’s done work for, or panic down the phone to them about getting arrested when the police are coming to his door and he thinks he’s going back to jail… (detail removed by Moderator).. of course these are all issues that a normal parent would worry there kids about … and thats only in the last (timeframe removed by Moderator) months i mean why?! in what world is this normal?!

We went through a traumatic experience with him (timeframe removed by Moderator) … I made the decision then I had enough the drama, cut him off completely said to the girls id love for them to do the same as he doesn’t bring anything but drama and upset to the table… i just want a peaceful life… i did leave it being there choice what they do going forward ( where my error is right there) but with mobile phones and social media it is impossible for me to keep them away from him. They did block him on there phones and all there socials but after not seeing him for so long they go soft and let him back in only to go through all the disappointment and upset all over again!! They have maybe seen him (number removed by Moderator) times since xmas tops, thats how regular he likes to see his kids.

Sorry im now venting but I am at such a loss as to how to move forward and have never felt so alone as a single parent than I feel right now!!

So fast forward to today… fathers day… and man does this man think he deserves the world!! Girls had decided to reach out as youngest felt sorry for him.. they decided to go through and see him ( he stays (distance removed by Moderator) away) he cant ever come get them they’ve to go to him, so anyway they decided to go through today with a card and spend the day with him hoping to take there dog out on a nice walk and spend time with him (they both miss there dog so much).. my oldest had a complete melt down before leaving the house as she didn’t want to see him and i think had only agreed to it to be there for youngest. I said to her not to go if it upsets you like this.. but if you do go maybe its time you let him know how you feel. She decides to go to her boyfriends instead who lives (distance removed by Moderator) mins away from him and my youngest goes solo. On arrival he is not happy its just the youngest because he had to get his lady friend to leave just to spend time with them the least they could do is both turn up… then demands to know where my (age removed by Moderator)yr old is taking him for dinner… she has no money to do this shes (age removed by Moderator) and this causes him upset – no gift just a card and no treat of lunch out anywhere what was the point in going to see him!?!?!? this man does not spend a dime on these kids like wtaf? he then starts texting oldest horrendous messages (detail removed by Moderator)… and i end up with both girls on phone upset… (detail removed by Moderator)  my oldest has now admitted she needs some therapy as she cant deal with it anymore… but my youngest just wont cut him off!!

I have told youngest she cannot have sleepovers at her dads anymore and that has caused more of a divide but he chats complete nonsense to her on phone all the time… promises the world and delivers absolutely nothing everytime but she continues to hang off his every word knowing he never delivers!! I am at my wits end… she has just gone into (detail removed by Moderator) year at school and (detail removed by Moderator) she needs to be focused… and where do I turn for my oldest to get help that doesn’t have 3years waiting list or will cost me the earth… they both had counselling years ago with (organisation removed by Moderator) which was amazing at helping them identify their feelings and responsibilities but being older they need this again, they take so much on of his issues and it just isnt fair to them… I have tried in the past to talk to him but he just shouts and rants at me, get endless amounts of texts and voicemails with abuse and i honestly have no energy left to fight him anymore. Am i being selfish for not putting myself in the middle of this anymore… i sure feel guilty but i cant deal with him!

Help and advice welcomed!! one way ticket to the Bermuda triangle for us to get away from him and he couldn’t find us would be welcomed too! I just dont know what to do anymore…..

[Lisa]

Hi Krazy,

Thank you for sharing with us and welcome to the forum. I am sorry to hear about what you and your children are going through, it sounds very distressing for all of you. I hope you find the forum a safe and supportive place to be.

If you feel like you are in need of some additional support, you could chat to a Women’s Aid worker in confidence via our Live Chat service. They won’t tell you what to do, but can discuss your situation and signpost you to other support that’s relevant for you. You can access the chat service here.

Keep posting when you can, there is support here for you.

Best wishes,

Lisa

[Author]

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