When he’s nice again, guilt I feel

[Chocolatebunnie]

It’s me again, feel bad for posting as I know others have far worse.

He’s being really nice

I’m still distant with him but finding this hard.

The guilt I feel for speaking out is overwhelming and I feel like saying to everyone I made it up just so it will stop. The fear and panic is unreal and I’m doubting myself. I’ve overreacted?

But I reached out for my kids.

He’s been amazing with them if only this man existed the whole time.

Head spinning again.

Cb x

[Lottieblue]

Hi CB,
I know it’s easy to say, but at this point stop thinking that others are worse off than you – this is about survival. I remember that I got to a point where I was on such heightened alert and so anxious that I was on here the whole time, doing online chats, was so anxious I couldn’t sleep and was phoning Samaritans just to have someone speak calmly to me. It would have been easier if he’d been mean the whole time. I think he felt me slipping out of his control and moved into victim mode and it did my head in. I screamed internally the whole time. I knew that I’d spent years and years giving him the benefit of the doubt, sure it would pass, and I knew that it never would. I just wanted it all to go away, but knew deep down that the only person who could change anything was me. By leaving.

And the longer all this goes on the crazier you feel you’re going.

It’s horrible. And it won’t end until you leave.

Don’t think twice about coming being here, again and again. We will all hold your hand and make you feel supported. We all know how critical that is, we really do.

Stay strong. Believe in yourself. He will not define the rest of your life. You deserve better. I promise you.
💕💕💕

[nbumblebee]

Ahhh sweetie its hard i know but dont ever think that others are worse off than you. What hurts you is just as important as what hurts others never ever down play yourself and what you go through.

Now yes he is being nice and yes it drives you crazy i posted on here a while ago saying I just wish he would be nasty again just so i can prove to myself what he is like. Its what they are so good at, making us doubt ourselves making us not trust ourselves. Look at it this way if another child was always hurting your child always putting them down then picking them up when they wanted to would you tell your child to stick with that friend or would you tell them to move away move on, they deserved more, they deserved better?
Hopefully you will say the latter right? You are no different you have been incredably brave by reaching out dont allow him to get back inside your head he knows what he is doing. You find that fire that strength you had when you reached out for help you find that and you hang onto it you keep poking that fire inside you and you keep moving foward small steps in your own time at your own pace but you keep taking them sweetie.
You have got this and we are right beside you xxxxxx

[Chocolatebunnie]

Thank you both so much I relate to every last word and your support means so much this is so hard but I have to keep moving or I will regret this I know.

The anxiety you describe being so heightened is horrid and where I am right now in all this as I say I can relate so well.

I’m sure he knows something and the people involved in supporting me have said this too.

I’m not sure how social services are going to approach him but they will be. They have to talk to him. This but is scary and nothing has been Decided as to how this will be done due to safeguarding and of course I’m worried about the aftermath of their contact with him.

I will discuss the with the WA support worker and SW us going to too to come up with a plan.

You’re replies have been so supportive and appreciated CB x

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