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Reading up on narrcassits made me think back to the person I was before he hooked me. I was super confident, had a full time job that I loved, I wore clothes that made me feel good about myself & I was a very friendly person, to anyone not just men. Fast forward a few years…. I have no job, he convinced me my boss (at the time she was my best friend) was hitting on him so I left. I moved into his home, I stopped dressing the way I wanted cos he said I was a freak magnet & was sending the wrong signals to men. I stopped being my friendly self cos he would brainwash me into thinking being that way was sending signals to every man I met that they had a chance of sleeping with me. I stopped going out. I would be taken shopping once a week by him. He would spent the whole time pointing out that men were clocking me. Yet he was ok to look at any woman & point out a good camel toe if he saw fit. I spent all my time in the bedroom. I could see my family & friends cos he wouldn’t take me. I moved out a few months ago but I’m still a shadow on my former self. I wear baggy clothes, I only go out if I have to. My confidence is shot, I keep my head down when I’m out & dread seeing someone I know. I have my family & friends back, I’m so lucky they’re all very supportive. I think back to how I was & how broken I am now, I’m leaving him soon & wonder if I will ever get back that strong independent confident person that I once was. I feel so lost, I get pleasure form nothing. I don’t sleep properly, I don’t eat very much, I have no interest in tv & I can’t listen to music anymore. I just wish I could find the person I was.
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Hey Hun
That person will come back , my ex did the same to me made me beleive i wasnt worth speaking to , i didnt know how to mix in with anyone, was always sleeping around blah blah… ive been out (detail removed by moderator) and im so proud of the changes in me, i still have a long way to go but im getting there slowly, just start loving yourself again and tell yourself u r important, do the things u like doing, i used to love keeping fit but hed never allow, when i left i started doing work out, and taking long walks just to clear my head,i started slowly wearing jewellery again which i loved yet he never let me wear , so small things small steps
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My passion is rescuing animals. I was never allowed to do this when I lived with him. (detail removed by moderator) I’m not ready to face the world yet. My passion has always been animals & I was going to college in September to train to do my dream job. With my daughter having a breakdown I’ve had to put that back for a year. She needs me. I will start next year though when she’s better. It’s just hard to think that I was that person & I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to get back there.
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Hi Moogie,
This time(detail removed by moderator)my ex and I split up I feel I have no confidence at all, I use to be a person can do anything, if I wanted something I use to believe I can do it, I can but after years of belittled, undermined, rejected I can not even say how I feel. I used to know how to deal with problem to meet my end. I don’t know anymore. Sometime I feel so sick about my self. I am struggling with my self confidence despite I know what I capable. I started do things that I love doing and he doesn’t want me to do it. But I am still so far from who I wanted to be. -
It’s awful millionpieces to realise how much they have taken away from us. But by but they break you down until you don’t recognise yourself. I’ve always been a very strong person but this time I feel like I’m lost. I have the DV lady coming today & im going to start the freedom programme, I just wish I could feel like I used to. I was so happy go lucky before him. Even our daughter says that was the best time, after I split with my ex & before I got back with her dad. So I hope I can find that person again one day.
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This happened to me too. Although, through having been a victim of child abuse, my confidence was never really great.
But I did well in life, I got somewhere.
Now I have no confidence at all, I am scared of everything and everybody, I am fat, I have severe issues with concentration when I have to read or watch TV, I still cannot watch a movie from the beginning to the end and I am unable to finish a book.
I work hard on myself to overcome my concentration issues as I have to do an exam in a few months. What a nightmare.
My sleep has improved, but the flashbacks and nightmares do not go away. -
Hi moggie
Iam having the same issues as you . I dont know who i am no iam tired . My ex made me feel worthless .used my against me!!! Even raped me . I was unemployed when i met my ex he promised he would never hurt me and would look after me . I gave my home up everything for him. Iam left with nothing financial mess broken .. how do i get my life bk! Iam sick of fighting this .. -
Thanks ladies, it’s good to know I’m not the only one who feels this way. I was also a victim of childhood abide but I felt that I had moved past that & was finally comfortable in my own skin for the first time ever. I always thought abusers went after weak women but I see now they like strong women, a challenge to tear down piece by piece until there’s nothing left of the person you were. I’m hoping I will feel better when I end it, but I know things will probably get nasty. Still we will fight on to find ourselves again, I will become that confident happy person I was before I got with him.
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I was Also a victim of xhild abuse . I never really trusted men .all i wanted was to find love never happened used and abused so many times moggie! I will get strong again like you we will battle through.. my ex ripped me apart! I got my dog my protector hes all i need now x hugs moggie
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Yes primbo my little dog is my constant companion I was even allowed her in the refuge as she’s so tiny! We’ll get there, we are strong independent women inside, we just need to find our way back x*x
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I can relate to everything you said. I had a great job I had to give up because of his behaviour. I suffered dreadful mental breakdowns. I’m no contact now for a good while and I am finding that successful confident woman again. She is still in there. It just takes time and no contact. I met with my MP today in a lovely little cafe. I arrived early, went in on my own, which I would never have done. Had a great conversation, making eye contact, being articulate and she agreed to help me introduce a new law where victims of domestic abuse get an automatic restraining order with every conviction. At the moment it’s totally upto the judge. Mine said it was the worst thing she had heard in x years of working in the courts, yet she denied me a restraining order. It’s not good enough. So ladies, I was a quivering, shy wreck of a woman, too scared to leave the house but equally scared being in there. Today I took a step towards changing our laws. You can do it too X you are strong amazing women and don’t let a lowlife abuser tell you otherwise ❤️
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Wow kip you truly are amazing! Knowing how far you’ve come gives me hope. I can’t believe it’s at the judges discretion 😡 The law really needs to catch up & protect women. You’re so brave, I would’ve been ok doing something like that a few years ago but at the minute I only manage to be the daughters taxi service & doing shopping we need!!! I will get back there again. The DV lady came today she was so lovely. I’m going to do the freedom programme then after that one that teaches me to change my patterns so I don’t become a target again. She’s keeping in touch for as long as I need. So this is the start of me becoming a free women!
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Moogie, I remember feeling the way you do. I just didn’t have enough head space to live properly. All my head space was taken up in survival mode, just trying to keep one step ahead to avoid another outburst. Once that kind of pressure is off you, it’s truely amazing how your brain excels, everything is sharper, you can think straight, work out problems, drive places you’ve never been before, read a whole book. Problems don’t seem so bad. Little things don’t stress you out. I cannot believe how much head space is needed just to function with an abuser. Keep moving forward. I wear heels, I walk differently. I walk taller, I wear nice clothes. I don’t hide behind baggy clothes and I hold my head high. I look people in the eye. My confidence is returning and I want to make a difference. I want to get back to work. I was never allowed to return to work. I missed my colleagues and the work routine. I had to be home to,attend to his needs. Not any more. I’m freeeeeeee👍
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I always wore heels! I worked with animals but still wore knee length stiletto boots haha! I really want to get back to that woman, she loved life & loved being single!! I’m going to tell him soon. Then I can start my path to freedom, thanks kip ☺️
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