When the law is useless

[Goldengirl]

Why is the legal system so rubbish? I spent nearly £(detail removed by moderator) that I didn’t have, to have him removed from our home, whilst we lived on friends’ sofas for nearly a month. We eventually got an undertaking that he would leave with just his clothes and what he needed for work, not return and not harass us. He left alright but took whatever he could. Some silly things that were supposed to send messages (detail removed by moderator). He has excuses for them all – only a little savings, car was bought with borrowed money, that kind of thing. He certainly hasn’t returned to the house but the street, however, is a different matter! Only passing through is the excuse this time. Not harass us – mmm, let me think, does texting our child late at night not count as harassing – of course not, he’s just being a good dad by reminding him he loves him. My son no longer uses that number, so HE obviously felt harassed. So, undertaking not worth the paper it’s written on and not worth going back to court over with his excuses.
Next, he then takes me to court for a child arrangement order, despite our child being a teenager and making his views very clear. I was interviewed separately (I insisted) by CAFCASS about my marriage breakdown and they then went into court to ask for a full fact finding hearing as if I was to be believed then there were serious allegations to be addressed. All this after he’d changed solicitors in order to lie to the courts that there was no domestic violence, no previous court hearings, etc.(detail removed by moderator) My solicitor says that should be the end of the matter. Ha! I told her he’d just change solicitors and put another request order in for child arrangements, with the obvious lie that there are no previous court appearances. I am now penniless (usual missing meals so I know I have enough money to feed children), about to lose our home but not close enough for any housing to do anything. I’VE HAD ENOUGH! The law is an a*s!

[Ayanna]

Yep, the law is on the side of the abusers.
Are you sure you want to pay a solicitor for this?
When your teenager is very vocal about not wanting to see his dad, the court cannot do anything. They cannot force him.
He needs to be firm at the court.
Is there any help regarding keeping your home available? Did you speak to Shelter?

[Goldengirl]

I have to use a lawyer as he has a very good one. The courts, so far, have listened to him and at one stage it looked like a (detail removed by Moderator) In a family court! When the father had admitted some of the abuse? Why was that necessary? Because ex wants to keep what control he can and getting me back to court all the time is control. He also wants me to stay financially poor – I have re-trained and started work at the (detail removed by Moderator) after many, many years of being a house wife and mother. We ran weeks later after I actually witnessed abuse against our son. As for house, he had made me take out debt (by with holding money for food and clothes for our children) and now I can’t pay debts and solicitor, so my credit rating has gone from excellent to zero. No way for me to get mortgage to buy him out but not homeless yet either. House and contents in his name obviously but married and living together for decades, so I’ll get at least half. Unfortunately, it will be too late to save our home. I can’t win. Can’t get a mortgage, can’t raise funds to pay debts, can’t sell house to start again until HE decides and then he gets to buy it!

[Ayanna]

Could you go into a refuge?

The family court always listens to the men.
That is standard procedure.
It is a backward and abusive court.
For this reason I found that taking a solicitor and paying money for nothing is just a waste.
Have you thought of complaining to the family court manager for extending your suffering by listening to the abuser?
What about your local MP?
It seems you need to put up a fight on various frontlines in order to get rid of the abuser. It is a war.

[Goldengirl]

Thanks, Ayanna. I’ll think about your suggestions. I’m just at that exhausted stage where I just want to bury my head in the sand for awhile. Thanks for letting me rant 😊

[Peaceful Pig]

Hi goldengirl, you’re right it is completely useless and does nothing to protect women or children. I can’t really help but can empathise. I have lost huge sums of money to my ex, left him in the house, paying out large rent for me and the children, thousands on family court while he messed around asking for things he couldn’t even do. I’m just lucky he’s finally decided to sell up so he can ensnare his new victim. The poor woman thinks they will buy a house together but once his feet are under her table she will be paying and there’ll be no getting him out. He’s a parasite. There is no winning, except the joy of being free (eventually). I hope yours also moves on and sets you free before too long, it’s hideous the way they would see their own children homeless x*x

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