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When will it happen .. I recognise so many things in him now that I have had the light bulb moment ! I have decided to stop digging my heels in and talk normal to him for my own sanity .. he eventually warmed to this .. but I can’t get over how emotionally cruel it feels when asked to talk and get stonewalled .. this is emotional abuse I feel .. no care for my feelings or how low I am ..
Going back to work next week , so hopefully can start to feel stronger as financially I will have my own money .. I wake up some mornings thinking it’s a matter of time and other morning thinking what am I doing .. I can’t give up all these years !
I am worried that I will let things slip back now that normal life will resume , with us talking and me working and juggling everything else in life with 2 children ..
any thoughts on what stage I am at is it still realisation ? Thanks ladies -
Hi Buddy hope you’re okay!? I know from my own experience that talking doesn’t work. You’ll literally pour your heart out and either be told yo be quiet or go fetch them something etc. Irsa very disheartening feel.
Sounds like you’ve woken up but still maybe not quite there. We do find ourselves making excuses for them and even lying to ourselves that it will get better and they can change. Your truth is they don’t and deep down we know that. We just keep trying because we want our children to have that nice family life with a nice home and 2 parents but from my experience I’ve seen it has been all me raising my children and running the house and in the early days giving everything financially. Now I don’t say when I’ve been working as I’ve been saving. These feelings literally hit me one day that I don’t need him, he needs me and I can carry on with my life without him. I have my kids and I have my family. These are the most important people in my life. Now I don’t have any pity for him, because his behaviour has been his choice nor something he can’t control. I’m almost out and not liking back. You’ll get there Buddy, when you know you just know and nothing will make you change your mind. Not even the crocodile tears xx
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I do apologise for my spelling on this thread Buddy. My phones playing up again xx
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Thanks Turtledove , I am maybe to hard on myself and trying to expect too much too soon .. I really want to be in the place where I hate him and want to get out .. so frustrating !
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Don’t be hard on yourself. We’re all different Buddy and deal with and react to our abusers behavior in different ways. When you feel ready you’ll be ready xx
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Hi Buddy, exactly as @turtledove says. When you are ready, you will find the strength because it’s already there. You’ve had the strength to stay so I know you have the strength to leave. What you don’t have yet is the readiness. Don’t try to rush because you feel you ought to leave. You are in control of this and nobody else. When the time is right for you, you will know.
Until then, keep talking. xx
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Thank you for the post. I feel Im not too dissimilar to you. One important thing that I have lost is my trust for him as I can see the games so clearly now that I can not not see.
Im also feeling that I want to leave, but toob sacred of losing my baby that’s all I care for.
I don’t know where would I be going and what help would I be getting and at the end of the day what would happen to my baby. I think I should have been left long time ago nd the more I stay the more the damage to myself and to my baby. I need to find the strength to leave, the corage to trust myself again and this is the hardest part.From my experience and from your post I feel we need to be more gentle to ourselves and to know what happend to us is not our fault and the way that our brain is totally smashed and alarmed is not by accident and is something that’s happening and is not right and is not our fault.
I wish you all the best
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