who knows why I’m writing this

[ilovekats]

Hi,

 

a while ago I got out of a physically and emotionally abusive relationship. it lasted over (timeframe removed by Moderator) and was a huge part of my formative years and just sucked. (timeframe removed by Moderator) I broke up with my ex, I started dating this new guy. this new guy is everything I could have ever wanted. he’s kind, he’s understanding and he truly loves me. its pretty difficult dating him though, because I worry I’m not good for him. I have just been diagnosed with derealization/depersonalization and have been diagnosed with anxiety, adhd and pretty bad ptsd. so I worry its a lot for him. he comforts me by agreeing that yes, it’s a lot, but he loves me and wants to work through that with me. but I cant help myself from thinking I’m just a chore, regardless of how hard he tries to show me. what should I do to fix that?

 

idk if anyone else here struggles with derealization, but it f*****g sucks. if anyone has some advice on grounding or strategies that just help you feel real I would appreciate it greatly. I just want to get better and it feels impossible alongside the other issues I have no control over like school, work and just idk being alive.

 

I know i’ve got this I think it’s just a lot sometimes

[Lisa]

Hi ilovekats,

I’m glad that you’ve found this space and shared how you’re feeling. It does take time and can be a lot of work to recover from abuse. It often takes a lot of effort to even get to the point of diagnosis, I hope that you can feel proud of how far you’ve come and I hope you’re getting the right support now. It’s really common for domestic abuse to severely impact mental health, you’re not alone in this. Lots of the women who use this forum have posted about experiences with PTSD. You might find the resources on the Bloom website helpful. They’ve been created in partnership between survivors and mental health practitioners and focus on healing trauma; there’s even a dedicated area for grounding exercises.

Take care and keep posting,
Lisa

[Twisted Sister]

Hello ilovekats

I just wanted to say how very brave of you it is to even post here and talk about it!

That can often be the hardest step to take, the very first one.

warmest wishes

ts

[ilovekats]

thank you ts, knowing that someone sees my efforts really does help more than you know

[Cherries]

Hi lovekats

 

The derealization/depersonalization I get. I also have PTSD but it’s changed in nature over the years.

 

The only real solution I’ve found, and there were no quick fixes for me is a lot of work on myself. No matter how much they reassure us it will not be enough because WE don’t believe it. I’ve had to relearn life, effectively. That for me looked like a lot of therapy off and on, over the years. A whole lot of soul searching….it’s surprising how many beliefs and behaviours are so ingrained in us we don’t even know they are there…yet there they are causing all kinds of havoc in our lives. Nobody else can do the work for us. A good therapist can help us to untangle though. I still ended up in another relationship that wasn’t great for me but in different ways and I am still learning. It’s good that you recognise this in yourself…it means you have a place to start so please don’t feel like that’s all there ever will be to who you are.

You might find yoga helpful. My PTSD was vastly improved by a daily practise and I was a complete beginner. It helps with stress levels at the very least (and has a little more magic I personally think) . It taught me to recognise how I’m feeling, where I feel it and how to breathe and calm myself. It’s a solid grounding practise too for the derealization/depersonalization you speak of. Two birds, one stone!

If you dont have access (or like me can’t face) a live yoga class there are instructors on youtube. Yoga with adriene was a great place to start and she has a beginner section with intro to many of the poses you will come across.

I’ve never found myself to heal by just waiting it out sadly. Had to be a bit proactive. Think your post was a few days ago so hope you’re OK x

[ilovekats]

thank you for replying with this and yes I’m doing okay. I definitely need to do some soul searching and do some self validating. I’ve just found a new therapist who is really helping me work things out better. I’ve never thought about yoga but maybe finding something that will help me feel and place sensations more. thank you so much for your advice I’ll definitely try yoga and let you know how that suits! thank you xx

[Author]

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