Why am i regretting leaving.

[emsbank]

I honesty dont know why I am regretting leaving my husband, I keep thinking I have made a huge mistake, im  (detail removed by moderator) no support and feel in a dark hole. It is crazy because he wasn’t even nice to me, said he would never respect me, yet im yearning to be back with him….what is wrong with me.

If anyone as any suggestions how to deal with this I would appreciate it

[lover of no contact]

Hi and welcome emsbank,

I too have left my abusive marriage of several decades and I can tell you the feelings you are feeling will pass..eventually ..and with time. I had to learn to feel them, acknowledge them by journaling (posting on here is a good way too for you to move through these feelings) and then just learn to live with them but get on with my day and do the things I had to do.

It is normal to have those feelings for the familiar (even though abusive) way of life. I hate change and am not very good at letting go of relationships (even when bad for me). Now I am learning to embrace change and to say to myself that some relationships (including abusive husbands) are only meant to be so long with us in our journey of life. I changed in that I no longer could physically or emotionally take being abused. I was becoming exhausted and a shell of myself. So I had to let go of my abusive relationship (made easier for me in that he dumped me).

This stage you’re going too is a stage I went through but I wouldn’t yearn for the past now at all.

Having minimal financial support is a hard one but keep reading on here you will get guidance and ideas will come to you on how to financially support yourself on your own without his financial support.

Time and coming on here posting as much as you need (it helps us too)and reading the posts will move you through the ‘yearning’ feelings.

[KIP.]

Learn all you can about the trauma bonding in an abusive relationship. I too left after decades of abuse. I craved the normality, as lover of no contact said, even though that normality was dysfunctional abuse. Time and no contact are the way forward. Imagine a blank canvas and paint your new life on it in vibrant colours. Discover new things that you want to do for yourself. In time you will realise that the life you left behind with nothing short of a nightmare. The real kind generous forgiving loving empathetic world lies outside of your past relationship. I too became a shell of a person. It’s taken a few years but I’ve found the person I was pre abuse. I still suffer from PTSD but it’s a small price to pay for freedom. Keep posting for support. It’s a real rollercoaster ride to recovery but you will get there. You are stronger than you know ✊️

[emsbank]

Thank you KIP for your kindness, I know I was at the stage where I couldn’t take no more, I had even thought about ending my life if I had to spend one more moment of spending time with him and his sulky moods and sorry to say but he was like a two year old, if he didn’t get his way. I know he was making me ill, and my doctor as said to stay away for my own health. I know she is right, and after reading some of peoples posts on here, it actually makes my blood boil, with how these so called men have treated us women. I would be the first to say leave sod them, just wish I could give myself the same advise. Im on depression tablets and anxiety tablets, I keep wanting to stop them, but im afraid I will go down hill fast if I do.
I honestly do not understand how someone could treat another person how they do…it doesn’t make sence, if we annoy them so much why dont they man up and say its not working, why the pretence. I guess that is part of they control. Again thank you so much for responding I do appreciate it

[cloudyday]

Hi Emsbank. Yea can totally relate to what you are saying. I havent seen my abuser for only a short while yet so early days but I feel like I have no life now. Although a lot of it was negative I miss him so much. I have been so low and weak that I actually contacted him myself and had my daughter who lives with me calling me pathetic. I hated myself for doing it. He wanted to meet up but something kicked in and said dont do it. Now it is he who is declining and ignoring my calls, I am miserable and empty without him. I know my daughter is right I am pathetic. He had such control over my life and my mind that now I feel like an empty shell. I feel I have no life now. Im craving those parts that were nice and it is as if Im blocking out all the emotional abuse. I miss him so much. I cant stop crying.

[Poodlepower]

I have times when I miss mine too…I feel lost in crowds, find myself reaching for his hand or waiting for his arm around me. It’s so hard…the good times were very good and I miss that side of him very much.
It helps me to focus on the bad times and how much danger I was in when I was with him. His temper was volcanic and there was little I could do about it when he was in a rage…he would create nonsensical arguments and go round and round for hours , late into the night. If I tried to get away-sleep on the couch or in the car-he would pin me down in painful positions until I became hysterical. Then claim he had had to “subdue” me for the good of our relationship.
When the longing for him starts, I make myself replay these scenes in my head. It helps me.

[emsbank]

Sorry I haven’t posted for awhile I have had so many health problems. Found out the decree isis as come through, and yet again I feel so sad. I honestly wish my brain had an off switch. I’m losing all interest. Also I have been a victim of identy theft, I could bet money on who as done that, talk about been kicked when I’m all ready at rock bottom. Hope everyone is coping and seeing the light at the end of the tunnel

[Anabela]

I miss mine sometimes… i kept denying that for some time but i started constantly listeming to Eminem. Cos his songs was about same dysfunctional relationship as mine. And sometimes i cry over him. But every good memory has a counter memory. And i dont know what upsets me more. The fact that i miss him or that i got so wrong loving the wrong person. But i would not go back to him. As much as imperfect my life is now it is so much better when i was with him. I can focus on me now.

You cant have a happy life with abusive partner. You would have become more and more a shell of yourself. I know it is hard. But it is not going to be like that forever. You are a very strong woman for escaping this relationship. People say that to me and… actually i like to be seen like that

[Author]

Posts