Why am I so stupid

[Firsttimedivorcee]

So here goes.

 

(timeframe removed by Moderator) of marriage. 2 beautiful kids. Homes and careers. We had everything but it wasn’t enough. I wasn’t enough, nothing and no one is enough. So I had enough. I had poured so much out of my cup and now it was getting violent, rude, aggressive etc, I had had enough.

families got involved, mine tried to fix things, his told me to get a divorce and leave. They told him that I was nothing special.

Now here comes the twist, he seems to want to play the doting husband and dad. Telling me to come home and be where I’m meant to be. He claims he cares for the kids stability but it’s all lies. He has on (number removed by Moderator) occasions in less than (number removed by Moderator) months dumped the kids back at my doorstep ahead of time.

(timeframe removed by Moderator) was another lie. He was meant to keep them til (timeframe removed by Moderator). I got a call at (timeframe removed by Moderator) to say (detail removed by Moderator) and when something like this has happened in the past, we make by, but (timeframe removed by Moderator) there was urgency, I needed to come. Chasers were sent. I had access to the cameras around the house but he took me off so I knew something was off. And his family are over (detail removed by Moderator in my old home. The same home that he and them had driven me out of.

I don’t care that he sees his family. Tbh they’re welcome to him, but no one can make my kids feel like second best. The worst part of it was, I checked the cameras because I was going to offer to lend some more (detail removed by Moderator). But it was all a lie. It’s shocking because I could’ve planned a break, to go somewhere but it would be on me to take care of them. They are my kids and they’re no burden for me. I went round, took photos and videos and screenshotted the messages. Our child has dev needs and finds it hard to understand what is going on. All I’ve asked for is some bit of stability. Just a little like (child contact detail removed by Moderator) so they don’t feel separated from us. But once again, his needs and my level of naivety has shown up again. To think I was ready to ferry over some more (detail removed by Moderator)!

[tryingtosleep]

Hey Firsttimedivorcee

Sorry you have to deal with this b*sh*t

All I can say is you get used to the lies and the dramas and as time goes by you learn to take a step back from it all.

It’s not easy – I’m not there yet but I’m less involved than I was.

There was a time that his mum begged me to go to his when he wasn’t answering his phone. She thought he’d ended it. I left the kids after a days work, rushed over and found him lying semi naked drunk on the bed.

I feel like he still wants to keep a hold on me, whatever way he can.

You’re not stupid. Nor are you naive.

You just want him to treat you the same way you treat him.

They say they care. But they care most about themselves. Mine has cried on the phone to the kids then not seen them for months.

Take a big breath and try to walk as far away as you can. Remember that you are the stable one for your kids. They will understand that. Try to have as little expectation as possible from him. And anything else is a bonus.

Feel free to message me anytime

X

[Firsttimedivorcee]

Aww thank you hun.

it’s that constant trying to understand why he functions in the way he does. I have learnt that I can only control what I can, everything else I let slide. I just find it funny that I’m so gullible. I felt sorry for him haha!

the mum should take care of her son. You’re not his mum. I’ve been told he has no one. Frankly I don’t care anymore. You’ve done what you’ve done to me, don’t do it to my kids. They’ve had no fault in anything. Ever!

but you can’t make them understand simple logic. They just don’t work in that way do they

[Author]

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