Why can he still hurt me

[Bluelines]

Left him in (detail removed by moderator) , long court battle to get non- molestation , thought all access arrangements covered in court order, court battle (detail removed by moderator) ago and have minimal contact with ex – felt like I was a survivor

(detail removed by moderator) is my sons (age removed by moderator) birthday and I won’t see him all weekend as it was an oversight in from the court order for my son ( not my daughter )and my ex has taken great delight in knowing he is preventing me from contact from this contact and causing me and my son pain. Asking to see my sohas opened me up to a backlash of email abuse ( verbal contact not allowed by court )
And he has stuck the knife in and twisting. It and I am feeling the pain as bad as when I lived with him
How after (detail removed by moderator) years not living with him can he still pull these strings and I feel like I’m still in an abuse cycle and reliving my past , not to mention how much I miss my kids this weekend and I know he is coercing and manipulating them as he did to me now

I know it’s a hurdle and I will overcome it as I have before but I hate this deep gutteral pain I feel and I know he delights in knowing I feel this way and have won
When will it end

[Lisa]

Hi Bluelines

Welcome to the forum. Its not unusual to have these feelings as the situation is very triggering so its completely understandable that it would take you back to how you felt when you were with him.

It sounds like you have done so well to end the relationship and go through the legal system, it is always very challenging when an abusive ex has contact with the children for many reasons, you are right that you will get through this hurdle, but also know its ok to feel as you do.

We are here to support you on this forum

Take care and keep posting

Lisa

[KIP.]

Yes you will get through this stronger. No experience is wasted if you learn from it. Go over all your court orders and documents and check every single item. You could have gone back to court with an urgent motion to change it had you had time. Never mind how he feels. You just concentrate on yourself and know this experience will make you stronger. Can you ask a third party to deal with his emails so you don’t have any direct contact? Your child will be back soon. Don’t let your ex get back into your head. Don’t give him a reaction. That’s what he’s hoping for x

[Hetty]

Write down any concerns you have regarding contact. Keep a log if you’re noticing changes in your children’s behaviour leading up to and after contact. If you suspect any emotional abuse or manipulation you are well within your rights to stop contact even if there’s a court order. Seek legal advice (some will offer a free consult). Contact is supposed to be within a child’s best interests.
As others have said keep your contact with him to a minimal. If a third party can deal with emails for you that would be best. Set up another email address only for dealing with him, get a cheap second phone. Keep him out of your life as much as you possibly can (I know it’s hard when kids are involved).

[Author]

Posts