Why did he ignore mediation

[Hereforhelp]

I am confused… he wants divorce but on his terms. I am going ahead ignoring his wants, I want the Law to sort the end of our marriage.
He has contacted me (before zero contact) sounding so meek and helpful, then stopped all financial help to punish me. He then re starts financial help (when seeing children). Now completely zero contact..
He ignored mediation then tries to make me meet him to talk about what we would’ve spoken about in mediation. Why would he do this? I do not understand the way his brain works. He has moved on with someone else (fine by me, she’s welcome to him, poor woman has no idea who he is, literally she has no idea, neither did I when I met him.
There’s not a lot of help re legal stage for me, Solicitor isn’t getting back to me, police notified when ex contacts me.. I am fed up of waiting for Solicitor to update, I am sickened I was pushed into mediation with an abuser of decades as ‘it makes you look good’… I feel angry I was told to do this, I have since learned (via some lovely ladies on this forum who already were aware NOT to attempt mediation. After he ignored the appointment I told my solicitor that I will not attempt mediation anymore as it is not advised.
I guess I am frustrated, why would I need to make myself ‘look good’ .. I am A good person, I didn’t hurt him or anyone, I have spent years turning myself inside out for this man and I will be d****d if another man tells me what to do to look good… why am I still expected to do things which I do not want to do? Sorry I am very frustrated at the moment and my brain is struggling to process this as to me it doesn’t make sense.. is this because I am missing something? ❤️ I am aware we cannot talk of legalities on here for safety, I am confused why my solicitor so nonchalantly expected and pushed for me to have mediation.

[Marmalade]

Hi,
I can’t comment on mediation advice from your solicitor as this will be case specific.
What I can generally comment on is costs. In your divorce if there is an application for financial support/division (as there is in most divorces) then the most sensible thing to do is try to negotiate a settlement through your solicitors rather than “let the law decide/sort it”. The reason is that court hearings and solicitors costs are very expensive and will eat substantially into any assets very quickly. Judges also take a dim view of any party refusing to negotiate, and view that as running up costs. The risk then is that the party refusing to negotiate and leaving it to the law to decide can be made to pay the other party’s costs as well as their own.
This is not to say you should attend mediation. I do not comment on that at all. It is simply saying that negotiation through your solicitor is very sensible. If your ex does not negotiate and is not sensible then that will not reflect well on him.
Quite often in financial proceedings neither side is happy as there has to be some level of compromise. Its a difficult process so good luck.

[Hereforhelp]

Thank you for your clear response, I understand now. The system is something i find difficult to navigate and rarely explained x
It isn’t easy you are right but still better than being with him xx

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