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I was abuses physically, mentally and sexually from a teenager until more recently. I have found the courage to speak out and it got passes to the police. I feel so much like i wont be believed because in my (detail removed by Moderator) i would randomly laugh over things that were so serious and not funny. I find the same thing when i open up to close friends. Im scared the police wont believe me and they wont catch him for all he has done to me since i was a child. I only really get emotional and cry when im on my own. I feel like i am so abnormal and dont know what to do.
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Have you spoken to your GP for councelling. I actually laughed during an assault. I think our brains try to lessen the fear we feel by allowing this. Mine was a ha ha I’m not scared of you kind of laugh. Needless to say it didn’t go down well but I couldn’t help myself. I also found myself joking about my rape. It’s trauma, abuse, fear. Try speaking to your GP. I’m sure the police are used to dealing with all kids of responses to such a hideous crime. You are not abnormal.Youre just hurt and need time to heal X
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I want to get on to some kind of councilling as people keep telling me I need it (people who care). It is difficult because i work full time and dont want his behaviours to ruin a career i could have and therefore ruin my future further. I could not just leave work mid afternoon for an appointment for example as im not in a field of work where that is possible. That is why i have tried using this forum for the first time as im unsure what to do. Sometimes i think maybe it is me that is mad.
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Hi Hi Fredblogs, you’re not mad you’re suffering the inevitable effects of abuse. I can empathise with the laughing thing, this used to happen to me too. I never quite understood it either. It was almost like I was conditioned to smile politely and put on an act so much that I couldn’t show my real emotions and went to the opposite extreme. Self-protection. I can’t recommend counselling highly enough, though I know I’ve been very lucky to get the service I have. Does your organisation have a DV policy? This may entitle you to some time off to attend counselling. Also you may be able to get evening sessions, I did through WA. I also found the book ‘The courage to heal’ helpful regarding the sexual abuse xx
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HI HUn
Its a sign u are scared, and out of fear u end up laughing, people used to look at me horrified when i told my story yet i would stay composed, smiling away, its the way our body gets used to coping witht he abuse, now x years on and i undersatnd the exteent of abuse i experienced i do not find it amusing at all, in fact ir really upsets me i let someone do that to me for so long and how much i was abused, again i think its a denial process. Def get counselling to talk through your feelings
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Thank you for taking the time to reply to me it is so helpful to know there are people who have gone through similar emotions. What ive read on here (only a few bits and peices) seems to talk of the horror of it all and how upsetting it is (which of course it is and i do have those moments too). But i could not find anything about the emotions im going through. Its like a rollercoaster but im sure we will get there. Im also sorry for any spelling mistakes im typing from a mobile phone.
Its a strange feeling sometimes in a way i question if i have detached myself from what has happened but it is on my mind 24/7 playing things over in my head so in some ways i havent done that… and then sometimes i get overwhelmed with emotion. Its like being confused but having a sense of clarity at the same time. Very odd.
Thank you all again so much
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Hi, You are not alone I do the same, I have had a knife to my throat and I have laughed at him. I have laughed when I have told the police how he strangled me. I agree it is our minds way of coping if we laugh what is happening is not really happening and therefore its not as bad. Definitely think some kind of counselling might help. I would explain yourself when you are being interviewed and say something like sorry I smile when I am nervous or upset. The police and other agencies will understand that its a defense mechanism. xx
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How frequently do you think i should hear from the police?
I have no idea what to expect… last time i had a call was (removed by moderator) ago when things were escalated after he was arrested. How often did you hear from the police about progress?
I get desperate to ring them but dont do it because i dont want to annoy them.
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Has he been arrested and charged or just arrested and bailed while they investigate.
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Im not too sure if he was charged i know he was bailed because it is going to take them months and months to investigate where it was child abuse from when i was young right through to an adult. So they want to get all the evidence on the child stuff which is obviously more complex than standard evidence in physical or emotional abuse cases (although there is this as well). I will call them and try and find out. Thank you.
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Hi, when you call next ask them when you can expect some other update they wont mind you asking, this is your case after all. Goodluck I hope that everything goes how you want it too x
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Including myself I know of several women who had been through severe abuse and laugh when they tell the most horrific life events. I think this is a way of protecting ourselves from feeling the horrors of these moments.
I have been doing this since I was a teenager and a few GPs had made me aware of this throughout my life.Some people who do not understand anything at all say to me: Oh, it is great that you can laugh about it.
It is not great, it is actually concerning. -
I really feel for you.
I have a similar problem and always have with wanting to laugh or indeed smirking when things are intense, especially when being verbally attacked by my partner. It is a very dangerous quirk as it drives him bananas.
About laughing, even though it’s obviously upsetting and something to not be dismissed, don’t be harsh on your self. Laughing in our culture is associated with humour and levity but in other cultures people laugh in surprise. I realised this a decade ago when I spent a gap year in Uganda. People laughed when I said someone was ill or my neighbour was imprisoned or I was a vegetarian. It felt gratingly weird at first but I soon got more used to it. When you think about it and take the whole ‘laughing/ funny’ connection out it makes perfect sense. Think about being tickled. Being tickled can be horrible and even scary to people as well as funny. Yet a laugh pops out. It’s physical.
I know that is not very helpful in the sense that it is harder to imagine controlling it. I would say it’s maybe something you could flag IP when you are talking to people. They may be more understanding than you think. Especially the police. Whatever people say about them they are so so much more aware these days of D.A. they will used to all sorts of ‘bizarre’ (sorry to say that) reactions to extremely upsetting situations.
One thing about our situation is that we are constantly made to feel like everything is our fault and also small quirks about us are built up to pathologies. Abusers are cruelly adept at eroding our self esteem and making us more and more vulnerable. Loads of people probably laugh or smirk in these situations. I bet we aren’t the only ones. But not many people have so many intense and challenging situations to deal with and not everyone undergoes such scrutiny.
I also get what you say about your work suffering. I got referred and waited for ages for counselling only to then be offered dates and times that clashed with work and my parenting arrangements. In my local authority you can get Skype counselling outside work hours. Everywhere is different but what I am saying is don’t give up. You have been self aware enough to see that you need and deserve help. There maybe a solution out there for you.
All the best. Be kind to your self
X*x
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