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Why do I still love him?
When I saw him (detail removed by Moderator) after months of no contact it felt so good to see him! I just wanted to sit and talk like the old times, resume what we had regardless of everything he’s done to me? I wanted to see him smile, look into his eyes, feel a friendly hand on the back.
He abused me. So then why do I feel like this?!
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I think this is totally normal, I’m being forced into seeing my ex abuser too, and he looks great, I think it’s our brains way of protecting ourselves. It’s Almost as though I split him into two people in my head? They wear their masks so so well, but the version of them at the end of the relationship is the real them. There’s an amazing podcast on Spotify call domestic abuse recovery journal, have a listen to the trauma bond episode.
Xx
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Hello
I have been giving this a lot of thought, I feel like my head has left him but my heart still aches. However I honestly believe this is trauma bonding and I have been so conditioned over a number of years. Mostly I have my ex blocked only communicating about selling the house and I absolutely do not want to see him because, he will of course be charming and lovely but he cannot sustain that behaviour.
I believe I am learning to love me more than I love him and that’s a game changer.
Stay strong x*x
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