Why do men do this

[survivorabuse]

Why is it when a genuine need is needed to talk to them say about the children do they change the subject?

[Anonymous]

It might require empathy? They might need to take responsibility for something. It’s not a requirement for “their” happiness at the moment.

[iliketea]

Good question. Would love to know the answer to this. I find if it’s not about them then it’s not interesting. He does an about turn and walks the other way. It’s a bit like a monty python sketch. He pivots on one foot, like netball. I was wondering if I could turn this to my advantage and go for a nice coastal walk along a very high cliff…then ask him a question.. 🙏

[Kitkat44]

@iliketea 😆🤣😆🤣

Same here, I had the audacity to mention that my priority is the children- he laughed and said something like “don’t I know it”

Xx

[diymum@1]

These men (to them) feel that they are the important ones. It’s horrible but they think they come first before even the kids xx it’s warped and it’s a crazy way to think. It used to always make me feel like we were all unworthy somehow. I think now it was the other way round 🤯

[Hellohellohello111]

In my experience, it is because these type of men are selfish and only care for themselves. I find that if I try to talk to him about anything like the children or my feelings or his behaviour he shrugs it off and does not want to know. He does not want to acknowledge or take responsibility for anything, only his own needs.

[Anonymous]

Going to post this a few places because it was a lightbulb moment for me… Sometimes finding the words for things, how you can you say blah, blah….

Something just hit me here, was watching a movie about a manipulative, very charming guy in this woman’s life, who turned out to be a total snake….but, people who aren’t empathy based, who have none, I think we so believe that they do because of the pleasure they get conning us and lovebombing us in the beginning. We do see pleasure and I do think that’s very real, so it confuses us, but what we we don’t know it’s true orientation. What is it rooted in? We assume that they are like us and it’s because they love us, too and all that but what if the joy is related to a job/con well done? What if all that total loveliness that we see from them stems from that and that alone? Good question. We mistake it for something it’s not. Then later when things get ugly we get all confused about what we saw as real and we defend it. Well, it was real but “why” they felt all that may be a totally different reason than we assumed it was.

[Author]

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