Why do they

[Anonymous]

Always accuse you of seeing other people when your in the relationship but more so when you leave? X

[WalkerInTheRain]

I think they make that accusation during a relationship to restrict your movements and isolate you from people. If you get a load of grief for going to see a friend, eventually it becomes easier to not do that activity to save a barrage of accusations.

As for afterwards, it can’t possibly be their behaviour that’s caused you to leave. They are so perfect!
When they can no longer control us, they try to control what the people around think of us.

[Finallysomethingclicked]

So true walkerintherain think you hit the nail on the head there

[Serenity]

Either :

1) They are judging you by their own untrustworthy standards

2) They are trying to maintain or increase your bond to them by making you feel guilt ( even though you’re not guilty of anything!)

3) They feel they are losing control of you, or want to up or maintain the control, by making you think they are reasonable/ justified in asking to keep
close tabs on you.

[iwillbeok]

My husband used accusations of unfaithfulness in a number of ways:

1) the gaslighting aspect – where I was being oversensitive to his joke of me having an affair so therefore I was hiding something – “me thinks the lady doth protest too much” followed by “oh not denying it then” the next time he joked about it but I didn’t engage;
2) as a way of making me feel guilty about my lack of libido – I must have been ‘getting it’ somewhere else to have no interest; or as a way of self-denigrating himself – I must be having an affair as who would want “a fat, ugly man like me”;
and
3) as a reminder that he was monitoring me: constant questions about what time I left home, how long my journey took, what time I would be home, why the shopping took so long… often with a throw away comment about meeting up with my ‘boyfriend’ if I missed a train/bus for example.

[Author]

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