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I’ve been out for a while and feeling really good and strong.
But right now I can’t stop crying. I’m so angry at him, but I miss him.
I feel small and jealous today. He was given a car (detail removed by Moderator) (lovely (detail removed by Moderator)), having written off his last one. He kept the house and everything in it. I get so angry and jealous that he has come out of this like a winner. It really feels like he won.
I hate him but I miss him. I hate that today I feel so flawed and broken. I feel so alone and like no one understands. I don’t understand my crazy conflicted feelings. -
I want to send you love Wildandfree. I totally get all of how you feel. It is so confusing isn’t it! I can totally understand why you would be angry too but you are the winner here for want of a better word because you have got away from an abusive coward. You have feelings and empathy he does not and what a sad life that must be.
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Hi wildandfree (love the name!)
I know exactly how you feel. My ex is going it come out our relationship far better off than when he went in and I’ll be far worse off. Still going through all legal process so it’s hard not to feel angry and jealous but I’m really working hard not too as it’s a drain on you not them- and they’d be delighted if they knew you are feeling that way (which they don’t).
The injustice of it all, especially given they are an abuser is really galling. But I’m really trying to not look at it as him winning. The day I walked out the door he lost as far as I’m concerned. No matter what he has financially, he’ll always have to live with himself. An angry misery making man who drains all the good/fun/happy times out of life.
The one thing I’ve realised now you cannot put a value on is your freedom. I’d lost mine for many years and although I’ve been out for quite a while I’m only now starting to appreciate all the things I am doing and will be able to do for the rest of my life that were previously out of the question.
Yes my financial circumstances are reduced. Yes he’s going to do really well financially and feel like he has ‘won’. That’s what they’re all about; controlling and winning and beating you down in some way. But I’ll be the one who is happy as I hope you will come to feel soon.
I was angry for such a long time so I understand how you feel. It is finally starting to pass though and Ive had great counselling which really helped. It was recommended that I try to write 3 gratitudes a day which I’ve found helpful too-it gives me focus on the good stuff in my life every day. Give it a try.
Sending you a virtual hug 🤗xx
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It’s ok to miss someone. It’s ok to miss what you thought you had or wanted together. The important thing is to not make the same mistake. He got the house but you got your freedom. If you’d stayed you wouldn’t have that most precious thing of all. These men tend to move on quickly and love to show the world how amazing their lives are, but we know the lies, the fake side. I still live in the same house as my estranged partner and it’s tough because some days I want to cave and just hug, cook a meal together, do something with the kids, but then I hear the door slam, feel my anxiety kick in, walk on eggshells, get sneered at, get threatened, he gets drunk, stays out all night while I look after sick kid etc and think this is why I’m getting out. Missing him will pass x
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You haven’t lost. You have what many other people won’t have, and that is the truth, the truth about who he is. And that truth will protect you from him. He has lost an amazing woman who I am sure gave everything to him. You have the ability to live a truly fulfilling and authentic life full of lovely relationships with other caring people like you. There’s so much more for you out there than he will ever have xx
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