Why is he like this??

[Eyeswideopen]

Had a few days of a break from him as he was on holidays but now back and I just feel I cant deal with his strategies to get me down… feeling sick and drained!
We are now divorced and he has his own place, but thinks me and kids have to be at home doing nothing waiting for him to call and want to see them. Got annoyed I travelled with them on a day I thought he’d still be unavailable, then blames me for s****y comms with kids that he creates by not saying things properly, I dont know when he can have kids and if I need to make plans…
Now about to go out with friends and stressed out he will find out I went as will get son for sports and will start asking me what/where/with whom even if he shares no details of what he does on his free time.
I feel horrible as anticipate the tantrum and the impact on kids, plus I end up pressuring kids to soothe him and go to his but they dont want to and in return get mad at me for asking them…
Just so wish he was gone from our lives, its so much easier and drama free!!!

[Mellow]

I feel
Like you should apply for a child arrangements order he still trying to control you though I’m
Not a fan of the court system I feel you won’t need to get another person involved and get a legal parenting agreement you don’t have to answer to him only talk about the kids if you give him deadlines to get in touch about kids if he dosent by the deadline you have a right to not let him see them on that day if he’s asking last minute he still controlling you

[Mellow]

I also know how it feels pressuring them when you really don’t give a dam if they go or not they are awful beings

[Bananaboat]

Sorry you’re having all this. I agree with Mellow, he’s trying to still control you. You’re separated, he no longer has any right to know where you are or what you’re doing. As long as the kids are safe, healthy and available at his agreed times then you’re doing all you need to do for him. If you’re replying to those messages he sends them stop. Keep everything short, sweet and factual – have you heard of grey rock? He’s doing exactly what you say – having a tantrum to bully & manipulative you & the kids are his weapon in this xx

[Eyeswideopen]

Thanks both. Yes I looked at grey rock but I still really struggle. Ultimately still feel like he needs to be calm and happy so I can be too, he trained me well over 2 decades! I didnt think I could get a child arrangements order with kids being teens? That might be an option.
He doesnt communicate with me so I rely on kids which isnt great.
Like this weekend I wanted to go away for 2 days and kids to stay at his, but I know if I ask, he will say no just to disrupt my plans.
My kids are fine on their own though so I’m thinking as long as I align with them, they can speak to dad and ask if they can go to his without mentioning me…
At same time I feel like suggesting us still doing things together that involve kids, like a celebration dinner for son’s gcses results… should I just avoid it? I really wanted things to be normal/friendly… I know he wont change and its no use hoping but I feel for kids…

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