Will I ever wake up

[Chocolatebunnie]

Last few days I’ve been posting as my husband avoided helping me with paying for emergency medical treatment and he is financially controlling me.

This hugely upset me that I asked my brothers advice. Then my parents also got involved as my brothers were concerned for me.

Despite being extremely upset I’m now back where I normally am.

I can not seem to except it for what it is he’s abusing his family but I can’t help myself be free if him.

My parents have said get through Christmas. Then please get him to go as I shouldn’t be living like this.

I have only recently been through a split from him, with him leaving and moving himself back against my will. But things were ok kinda so I let it go.

I feel stuck, everyone is telling me what to do I know it’s right but my mind is blocking it out.

Anyone else relate and able to advise please. My health is bad due to stress which I believe is hugely a result of my marriage. My eldest children have significant Mental Illness and I know it’s a lot to do with him. Out of all our children the 3 eldest want him gone for good.

I just wonder what is wrong with me.

I know he’s being nice to me and trying to win me round, it will involve him trying it on and I give in regardless then everything is back to normal.

I’ve tried to get help but I’m not in immediate danger.

My mental health is bad so where do I find the strength?

[nbumblebee]

Yep I can.
I havent told anyone ouyside this site and my pt and counsellor two people who i pay for help.
They all tell me that i should leave that i can have a better life that i deserve more.
Ladies on here time after time after tine tell me im living with abuse.
He hurt me the other night because he was angry I went out he is again shouting at me tonight. I hurt myself i hate my life im so sad all the time yet still im here still I stay.
It doesnt matter what anyone else says you cabt see it believe it until you want to then i think you will be able to make that choice to leave.
I am at the point where i dont wanna wake up each day and thats not ok.
I hope you find the help you need and deserve sweetie xxxx

[terribleheadspace]

@nbumblebee please reach out to a crisis centre and local domestic abuse worker- honestly, please try these. You can find a local domestic abuse directory on womensaid website. I found mine through here and so many things I told them and thought to myself, ok shes going to turn me away, shes not going to see why I am concerned and upset… time and time again, she told me what I was telling her fit the mould for abuse and not once did she ever tell me to leave him, she just kept giving me information that explained why I was feeling why I did. She checked in on me, her services were free.

[nbumblebee]

Sorry I didnt mean to worry you was just having a bad day. Im ok thank you.
Thank you so much for your kind words they nean alot xxxxx

[Hereforhelp]

Chocolatebunnie, there’s nothing wrong with you… sometimes we know what to do but mentally it is too much… please be kind to yourself, you have suffered for a long time…. keep posting on here ❤️ it took me many years to leave, I knew I had to leave my abusive husband at some point and eventually got there, in my time, once I could cope, once I had GP support to sort my mental health I had a little more strength for me x I am so sorry you are going through this ❤️

[Bananaboat]

There’s nothing wrong with you!!

You are trauma bonded and the lovely cognitive dissonance tricks your brain into accepting or ignoring the bad to survive.

As I said to nbumblebee the other day sometimes that voice saying leave, no matter how right it is, can be another pressure on top of everything else right now. Setting yourself a deadline can induce anxiety, so if that feels like too much try baby steps – they are still steps out. It’s great your family are offering support. x

[Confusedgirl]

Iam the same hunny. I am ashamed to say, i even rented a house, started to furnish it, and ive stayed 🙁

So i am now paying for a house i dont live in, i haven’t even slept there yet. (Detail removed by moderator).

I am not ready, when i tried to leave it was very very traumatic. The trauma bond is strong and i was physically ill. I have accepted that im not ready right now, but i WILL be one day soon. My parents have been fab, and they know im going to go one day..

Please be kind to yourself.

I was love bombed to extreme when i tried to leave, treated like c**p, gas lighted, manipulated, then tears and crying for him to have another chance. it is torture and unless we are ready and strong its so hard.. So maybe not now, but one day we will be strong enough xxxx

[Becks]

Reading your post nbumblebee and the replies you have received has helped me significantly this evening i must say. Feeling isolated and alone with a husband of (detail removed by moderator) years who spends 99.9% of the time being angry at me. I waited (detail removed by moderator) years for my mother to leave my father and she found love and happiness again and my parents remained friends. I on the other hand have found it difficult to leave or i have left but soon returned too. I have a large family who are saddened at how he treats me. My husband has not spoken to me since (detail removed by moderator). He came across a post of (detail removed by moderator). Instead of speaking to me about it he rushed to (detail removed by moderator) and showed the short video to him who then told my husband he couldn’t see anything wrong with it. Apparently he was raging with anger and told my neighbour that (detail removed by moderator). He then (detail removed by moderator). He wouldn’t tell me and said he would show me some (detail removed by moderator) later when he returned. I had anxiety building up inside of me. My daughter hadn’t posted anything and didn’t have a clue what it was about. My husband then accused her of (detail removed by moderator). For cultural reasons he wouldn’t want his family seeing his daughter having a drink and she herself would never put up a post knowing he’d be offended. I do not drink and i had all my children, siblings, their respective families and grandchildren round to celebrate New Year with (detail removed by moderator). (detail removed by moderator) he told me that he never wanted to speak to me ever again and refused to say why. The irony is that I found out yesterday from my brother that my husband had (detail removed by moderator). He (detail removed by moderator) to drink discreetly! Such an hypocrite and please tell me how do i become responsible for some random person uploading a video? I fail to see how this becomes my fault for which he is now taking it out on me. Absolute irrational behaviour that he will keep up for weeks. My family are waiting for me to take those difficult steps and to put this toxic relationship behind me but it is incredibly hard and i hope some day it will be easier. Thank you for listening. Good night all.

[nbumblebee]

Ahhh sweetie this sounds horrendous the silent treatment is just as basmd as them shouting isnt it. Makes you feel so alone.
Well know that you are not alone you really arent.
Im so glad you have the support of your family lean on them as much as you are able let them help you in any way they can you dont have to do this alone.
I know i sound like a hypocrite but have you sloken to womans aid? They could maybe help you formulate a plan so you are ready to leave when you feel like its time?
But I do know how hard all this is I cant seem to leave or get help myself so I get it.
Keep yourself safe use your family, talk learn and listen gain strength from those around you abd im certain ine day your time will come sweetie.
Until then keep posting stay safe xxxxxxx

[Becks]

Thank you for your kind words nbumblebee. I haven’t spoken to anyone at Woman’s Aid yet but i will do soon. I am feeling much stronger today than i did yesterday after speaking to my son at length and a friend at work. For a short period i had forgotten all i have been through and just wanted things to be normal again. My auntie described it as merely putting a plaster over a wound but it never ever heals and she is right. I Every time I return home that’s exactly what i have been doing. Also from a financial aspect, this has made it more complicated as my salary pays for almost everything and i don’t have any savings.
I do draw comfort from the love of my family and friends and i do need to find the courage to tell him that things are over between us and that i am no longer going to accept his unacceptable behaviour towards me.
I will of course keep posting on here and i wish you all the best too. You Take care too x

[nbumblebee]

Love that you have outside support its really important.
Lean on them sweetie you dont have to do this alone.
Sending much love x*x

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