Xmas gifts

[solivagant]

I told my ex partner no contact when my baby was born. He isn’t on birth certificate. He’s decided to send via one of his family some Christmas presents. (He also did this when she was born) I don’t know how I feel about this. I’ve said no contact right from birth, he’s never seen her. Is there anyway I can stop him from doing this?

[KIP.]

You can tell that family member and everyone else that you are absolutely zero contact and not to get involved. Find out about a non molestation order too. Talk to the national domestic abuse helpline x or your local women’s aid x

[solivagant]

I don’t mind his family but it makes me feel sick to the bone and really anxious that he still trying to get to her even if it is indirectly.

[KIP.]

That’s what you need to communicate to his family. That you’re happy for them to have a part in her life but they need to know your safety and well-being and that of your child must come first and that if he approaches them to act as a go between or tries to pass on gifts or anything else, it’s simply not acceptable. For your own mental well being it must stay this way until you’re ready and no longer vulnerable. The association his family will be triggering for you too. You’re still very vulnerable.

[KIP.]

Try to put it out of your mind today. You are both safe and it’s a special day for you both so take nice pictures and make good positive memories 💕

[solivagant]

I don’t think his family know he’s abusive and they currently don’t have any contact with her because (detail removed by moderator). Its all so upsetting. I partly expected him to send gift it but I really hoped he wouldn’t and he would just leave us be

[KIP.]

That’s a real shame. Perhaps if he gets no reaction from you he will stop however if you’re concerned please talk to the national domestic abuse helpline or your local women’s aid about a non molestation order for you and your child x sometimes you need to be pro active about keeping him out of your life x

[solivagant]

Can I get one against him if that’s all he’s done within the last couple of weeks and even then it was a family member that came not him?

[fizzylem]

I would think court is the last place you want to be if he’s not on the birth cert and he’s the father, he might try and get himself put on it. I would just decline the gifts and say no thank you in future, so they get returned. Means it becomes a pointless exercise x

[solivagant]

Should I tame them back to family member? I didn’t really get a chance to refuse the gifts as they were given to one of my family members. They’ve been unwrapped but they still have all the labels on.

[KIP.]

I’d talk to your local women’s aid and get some support in place. If he’s dangerous it may be a huge red flag that he’s still trying contact even when he knows it’s unwelcome. I think you should definitely have some support in place for your own safety. These men dont take rejection well. Yes if possible it would be best to ignore and avoid confrontation and court but you need to keep yourself safe x

[KIP.]

It’s really hard to know what to do but I’d start as you mean to go on. If you don’t wish any contact and anything from him at all them it might be best to let everyone know. Returning them to him might make things kick off. You really need to speak to someone professional about how to handle this. If you’re acknowledging his family are related to your child then that’s like acknowledging he’s the father and I’m not sure if that can be used against you if he seeks access. Ring rights of Women for free legal advice. Take a step back. Doing nothing is an option for the time being. Ring the national domestic abuse helpline too for advice.

[solivagant]

I don’t have anyway to get in touch with his family. We never really had a relationship with each other. But I will give women’s aid a call see what they say.

[Author]

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