years on

[raaraa]

Hi all, I am new to the site. I left my abusive partner many years ago, I have completed the freedom programme and worked with womens aid. I know that I did the right thing by myself and children who were young at the time. However, the long term affects are really something that controls my life and how I live it.

I chose to stay single for many years, I hid and became no one. I didnt want to be noticed at all and I was extremely withdrawn. To be honest white wine became a best friend and a constant shoulder in such to cry on. This did not bring me a happiness but it protected me from pain, sadness, heartache, fear and above all love. I am afraid of love as it brought me terrible pain and almost destroyed my young life. I was lucky to leave alive and I unfortunately do not have a great view or opinion on love at all.

Last year I decided to hit the gym, stop drinking and my self confidence as a woman began to return. I felt alive and that I mattered.

Over the years I had realised that the abuse I suffered meant that I could not enter into another relationship with a man at all and so I found what I thought was love with a woman. My heart has been broken again and I feel like my ex is there just reminding me of the person he worked so hard to break and destroy. Eventhough physically he is gone the power he has over me remains..Im so afraid that it will never go and that I can never feel happy and content in a relationship. My finger is constantly hovering over the self destruct button and at the slight notion of fear its pressed.

Sorry for rambling but I feel so rubbish at the moment…when will it go away…

[Confused123]

Hi Hun

Did you ever take counselling up, for me it was counselling that made me understand everything i had experieced and reading up on abuse, before that i was in total denial i was been abused and even after escaping after he tried to killi still didnt understand the extent of abuse until i started talking about what had happened . I too am still scared to trust another guy again but am hoping to maybe look this year after been out x yeaars. These men break our self condifence and self esteem so i supose its about rebuilding yourself, loving yourself , speak with other surviovrs and see what they experieenced and how they delt with things, we allhave our own ways, this website is bvrill for connecting with lovely ladies who give lots of support

[raaraa]

Thanks….I just wish that I could move on and be proud of the woman I am but Im just not…x

[Serenity]

Hi Raaraa,

These abusers wreck us by bit, and we need to build ourselves back up, bit by bit. It’s hard.

It’s good you’ve realised that the wine wasn’t helping you deal with things in a healthy way. I’m sorry that you had to experience another difficult relationship.

Have you done the Pattern Changing it Freedom course? This would help you to feel supported and help you to identify unhealthy relationships in the future.

These abusers did us so much damage. We need to heal ourself from the inside. Apiary from counselling and a healthy lifestyle, have you tried things like yoga or massage, to put you in touch with your body again and feel nurtured? We can spend so much time in our own head, it’s good to focus on our body a little. Gentle, physical therapies can put you in touch with yourself and help you to feel valued.

[Confused123]

Hi

It takes yearss for us to fully recover, we have in our head they we should be over them by x months or x years, its repairing the damage they did that takes time and theat willcome back slowly. Sometimes admitting the extent of abuse we suffered helps, most of us are in more denail then we realize how just break it down

[Nova]

Hi Raara…good advice from Serenity & Confused123, agreed it is something profound that we have been through, & share…& it has to managed maybe forever..to keep well…that’s not to say we need to think about every day for the rest of our life…but there will be times, like now when it triggers you.
You are a special woman who can move forward from this..& we all can, just like you some times are soul destroying then life picks up again for the better.
Yoga sounds great & I’d love to go to a spa or something relaxing…like Serenity says just to get outside our heads..to shift focus.. V important

Hugs xC

[Author]

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