Yes not feeling so good

[Mardi]

I’m not feeling so good. My ex violent boyfriend has disappeared for about (removed by moderator) now. He has made no contact with me at all to apologise or nothing, to ask how I am or to chat. Nothing. It’s like he just doesn’t care at all. It feels so weird. I know its a good thing that he has not contacted me, because I refuse to see him now, I don’t feel safe with him anymore, he is dangerous. I know I have to stay away from him. However I still miss having a boyfriend. I am feeling lonely and lacking in confidence. I feel like I am a bad person and there is something wrong with me, that I deserve to be alone and lonely. Why can’t I meet any man that is good, caring and kind? What did I do to end up in this situation? Now I have no-one. I know it is better to be alone than to be trapped in a abusive relationship. I just feel bored of life today. My job is hard and stressful and I don’t have any close friends at work, so it is lonely. Women’s Aid is the only place where I can truly open up and express my negative feelings. My friends and family don’t want to know or even understand. I can’t believe my ex boyfriend though. How uncaring and cruel he is. I feel angry with him. I miss him but not the abuse. He went too far. My heart still feels broken. I’m scared of the future, I wonder if I’ll ever get over it. I am scared of men sometimes and think that they are all the same, violent and dangerous. How do I ever trust anyone again? I don’t like being single right now! I’m feeling lonely and sad. Sorry to whine. Mardi. xx

[Lisa]

Hi Mardi

Sorry to hear that you are feeling lonely and low at the moment. It sounds like you’re not getting the support you deserve from your family and friends but I am happy to hear that you are feeling like Women’s Aid is giving you some comfort.

It is completely normal when any relationship ends to struggle with being single. You are basically grieving the loss of someone that was a big part in your life, and the fact that he was abusive just adds more to everything that you are going through. I would suggest trying to think about activities or things that you like to do, maybe it would be good for you to meet some new friends in an area that interests you, like a sport or activity you enjoy or have always wanted to try. However, if you don’t feel ready for that then that is OK too. Keep posting on here, be good to yourself and try and eat well and get enough sleep. If you are struggling with missing your ex then maybe it would help you to write a list of some of the bad things about him or things that he did to help you remember that it is a good thing that you’re not together.

Well done for coming on here and being so honest. It is a great therapy and a great way of dealing with what you are going through. Keep at it, each day is a healer.

Best wishes

Lisa

Forum Moderator

[Puffin]

Hi
I am sorry that you are not feeling great. Are you getting any professional support? From your local women’s aid, freedom programme or counselling. Also you might find reading about abuse is helpful, a few books to start are why does he do that be Lundy Bancroft and living with the dominator by pat craven. Reading helps set things in context and make a bit more sense.

I felt similar to you I was scared of the future and thought I would be alone forever. But I not that bothered about being on my own for awhile now and the future is looking a lot better now I am not anxious and miserable constantly.

I hope you get some support in person as it really helps.
Sending hugs
Xx

[Mardi]

Hi Puffin and Lisa, thank you for replying and your support it really helps. I feel a bit better today. I do try to always eat and sleep well, I have learned in the past that killing yourself over some stupid boyfriend is not the answer! I have tried to kill myself when I was a teenager, when my boyfriend cheated on me with another girl. I was so devastated, I was only 13 and it was the first romance I ever had, so it hurt a lot. Plus my parents had just got divorced then as well and I was coping with being in a single parent family which was hard. I felt very depressed and took an overdose. I regretted it as soon as I had done it, and thankfully I didn’t die or need to go to hospital. I was just vomiting and sick for a few days. I learned from this though not to ever do this again though, suicide is not the answer, no matter how bad it feels. I know in time the depression will get easier. I have also joined a music group today and met some new people to play music with which really made me feel happy and strong. I enjoyed it. It is nice to meet other people with similar interests and passions. I have read a lot about abusive relationships online and found it extremely helpful indeed. I do have so many questions and doing some research on the topic is really helpful to me. I used to go to (location removed by moderator) Mind to a domestic violence support group when I was not working, but I have not found anything to go to in person at the moment because I work full time Monday to Friday and nothing seems to be on during other times. Does anyone know if there’s any counselling or support groups in the evenings or weekends in (location removed by moderator) area? Thank you again for your help and support. All the best, love Mardi. xx

[Lisa]

Hi Mardi,

If you take a look here you can find information for your local domestic abuse service.

Best wishes

Lisa

[Author]

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