ElizabethMary

[ElizabethMary]

I am overwhelmed with all your support and clarity. I honestly can’t thank you enough.
Thank you for sharing your stories, for making me feel less alone and less like I am overreacting or focusing on things that aren’t there.

I have contacted my local abuse service by email. They have got back to me offering to call and left a number to call them. I am too scared right now to do it. But it is there, when I am ready.

Thank you all so much for the book recommendations. I will work my way through them on my kindle.

The journal is a good idea and I am going to start that now. It is scary. I have been doing a lot of reflecting and there were lots of moments in the past that caused alarm bells which I ignored. 😢

Just…thank you all. I have forgotten what it feels like to talk openly and be supported! It has left me shaking thinking about the situation I have got myself into here. I really hope I am able to offer others the same soon.

[ElizabethMary]

Wow fruitbowl. I have just read down this thread and I am thrilled that you have accessed such wonderful support. Well done you! Keep us posted.

[ElizabethMary]

Oh my God Tinkabella, I had goosebumps reading that. Everything you said sounds so familiar, sadly.
Have you read the Lundy Bancroft book? As it went on, I didn’t really recognise my relationship- though there were some parts in the beginning that rang a few bells.

What it DID do was give me a knowledge that I didn’t have before and so I guess in some way, some sort of strength?

I have no decent advice to offer you either I’m afraid. Seems we are both starting our journey. It’s just so confusing because he’ll be so considerate of me quite a lot of the time.

When I think about it though, his behaviour is just not quite right. That constant knot in my stomach is just not quite right. I can’t talk to him about anything (unless it is something about which we have the exact same opinion,) without being laughed at or told I was being ridiculous. What makes me feel actually sick is that our children are around this. While his comments are often subtle and the are very young, they are still around it.

If I have to tell him something then I always feel nervous beforehand. The more I write on here the more I think it is starting to dawn on me. It’s really weird and scary.

[ElizabethMary]

Haha saying that, I (detail removed by moderator) asked him to wash the kids hair in the bath (detail removed by moderator) and he was totally condescending, then blocked (detail removed by moderator) so I couldn’t get past. Tried to push him to the side but he didn’t move and stood there like a rock. He was smiling, but still. Ok. I’m still in denial yes, but a little less so each time.

Is this the process?

 

 

[ElizabethMary]

Thank you for your reply.

Similar to me catjam…I started googling some of his behaviours ages ago and it lead me to the same thing.

During lockdown we were both working from home and I noticed it more – same as many others I guess. Then I mentioned some examples to a friend and she was horrified, so it’s slowly led me here.

I’m just left wondering if it’s just that he’s not a very nice person, but not actually abusive.

I am walking on eggshells a lot but…oh I don’t know. I guess the long and short of it is I need to leave the relationship. I want to make sure I have as much knowledge as possible so I can prepare myself for any fallout. As I’m writing this, I know that ending our relationship won’t be the usual, upset and hurt fallout. I am anticipating a reaction that actually terrifies me. In some ways, I have answered my own question here. Sigh.

What’s really odd is that since I’ve come on here and lurked in the background and subsequently bought the Lundy Bancroft book, he has been totally and completely fine with me!

Thank you for the book recommendation. I will definitely read it

[Author]

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