InhaleExhale

[InhaleExhale]

Thank you for sharing with me, it’s really helpful and appreciated. Leaving was the best thing I did, I know this. I think it’s the realisation that he did actually know what he was doing, it was intentional. The behaviour, gaslighting, name calling and then filming. I read on another post that unintentionally we give them the tools to use against us, everything I’ve said to him, begged him to change is how he claims is me. And with that also comes the NMO paperwork that details everything I’ve said happened. He’s turning it all around despite me not pressing charges or including everything. It makes it feel like recognising abuse doesn’t matter as unless you’re black and blue there’s nothing you can really do about it. And therefore how do you safeguard children from that? My older son is just like him, treats me and his sisters the same. My daughters are both in therapy for it too.

[InhaleExhale]

Thanks EvenSerpentsShine for your advice.

I’m so angry with myself for allowing him to treat me so badly for so many years, never taking accountability for anything he said or did, no apologies, just laughing after me and name calling has ruined my self esteem and knocked what little confidence I had.

I’m angry that I reacted to some really hurtful, long drawn out incidents and responded to him with the same spiteful words he’d use to me.

Doubting it was abuse, just a bad blip in the relationship, over and over, until my eyes being opened by my own children who I thought I had protected from his actions.

If I couldn’t recognise then and have made such bad decisions, how can I even trust myself? I don’t know if im coming or going , can’t make sense of anything. I know I’m no longer walking on eggshells but he’s still living in my head and I want it to just stop so I can get on with my life.

I’m going to document it all but that’s also the really painful bit as I recognise all I put up with.

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