Lorax

[Lorax]

Hi,

It’s early days for you, you have done the brave bit by making the right choice to leave this man. He sounds like he can’t commit to anything as well as using manipulation through emotional control to keep you guessing, seek out your empathy and make himself look like the good guy. All very common tactics used by abusive men. You could prepare yourself incase he decides to pursue contact. If you have messages from him highlighting his lies and manipulation screenshot them, make notes of the dates and times he’s failed to show up to contact also write notes about particular times he was abusive. The last can help you whenever you feel yourself feeling sorry for them or falling for their lies and manipulation. For him to apply to court takes commitment, financially and practically which he doesn’t sound like he has?

Keep strong x

[Lorax]

Hi All,

These men definitely have a pattern. My ex was always on his phone and very guarded around it. After he had left our eldest son told me that he had blamed him for looking at porn on a shared laptop because he, the ex, had opened up the laptop Infront of our youngest son and then tried to cover his tracks by blaming our eldest. He took cash out from different cash points on so many occasions. We went without so many things because we “never had money”. I even found condoms listed on the Tesco’s Favourite list….the idiot had used the clubcard at the checkout.

Just know and take strength from the fact that you are in no way alone. You are a better person without him.

X

[Lorax]

Hi,

I agree. It took me a few years of going through solicitors to try and sort out the financials and wanting desperately to stay in the house that was home to so many good memories with my children but not good with my ex. Then I realised that moving would give me financial freedom and a brand new start. A home for just me and my children. It’s amazing what we ( women) learn to do for ourselves, actually, we did most of it already as abusive men don’t tend to contribute much to the home, practically or emotionally, at least not in my experience.

My only worry is that my ex has mentioned moving to the same town as us. He has very limited supervised contact with only one of our children,no overnight contact the other 2 choose to have nothing to do with him and being old enough he can’t force them through any broken court system.

He has no reason to move to the same town. He rents so he has freedom to move anywhere near to his place of work. I know he would be doing it out of spite and the need for control.

Our eldest son has panic attacks over the abuse from this man and our daughter is scared if she might ‘bump’ into him.

It feels unfair having gone through so much already and fought for our independence that we could end up feeling like prisoners in our own home, afraid to go out lest we bump into him.

 

[Author]

Posts