Walker123

[Walker123]

Thank you for your reply Lisa and for believing me, I’ve always played it down so much in my own head that I’ve convinced myself it wasn’t that bad and it was partly my fault. I’m starting to realise that isn’t the case. I will take a look at the help you suggest. Thanks again.

[Walker123]

Hi NoMoreAbuse25, your story sounds familiar to me. My ex also SA me many times although for a long time I didn’t realise, or want to realise, that was what was happening. We also had some great times and I felt like he was 2 people, the one I loved and then this vile bad tempered person who could make me feel like utter rubbish.

after I ended it I felt that initial rush of relief to then spiral into some of the lowest feelings I’ve ever had, sadly I still have those days. My doctor said it was basically grief, I’m grieving for the end of the relationship and that part of my life. It feels strange to grieve for something that could be so toxic at times but I’m just having to go with it.

its good your getting counselling, I start therapy soon, ultimately we are victims of abuse, even though it happened in our own homes and by someone we loved, that’s got to take time and support to process. Good luck with it all.

[Walker123]

You did escape tho Tian, that’s backbone for you. Well done.

You too stay strong xx

[Walker123]

Thank you Tian, my ex also ensured everyone thought he was great, he fooled my family and friends for years until one day he lost it in front of a close family member. That was my chance to escape and I took it although I sense some are still doubting he has this vile side.

what I find so hard is that I knew at one level what was happening but refused for so long to acknowledge it, he really made me feel that all problems in the relationship were mine.

Thank you for believing me.

[Walker123]

Lightwunderkind20, thank you for your reply, it helps to know there are others out there surviving. Your ex sounds very like mine in that he also takes no responsibility for the breakdown of the relationship. It must be down to me or a third party, the idea of being with someone else is ridiculous, he has put me off sex for life.

If these men could’ve at least admitted their failings it would at least be something but I doubt my ex will and it’s too late now anyway, he’s destroyed all hope of any relationship, despite still having the ability to make me feel sorry for him.

I agree with the lack of contact helping, luckily we don’t have children so there is no real need to have contact. It must be very hard for you sharing a child and knowing what you’ve been put through. Well done on your break, sounds a good tonic! I’m hoping to do something similar in the future.

The list is an excellent idea, I’ll definitely do that, I think it could be quite long! I used to write stuff out that I wasn’t allowed to say, just to get some release, having to do that is top of the list.

[Walker123]

Thank you for your words, I’m sorry to hear you’ve been through something similar but grateful you’ve shared your experience and how things are getting better. It’s so confusing to have such opposite emotions about one person. He always told me everything he did was to make me happy but I now realise that he was doing what he thought should make me happy, he rarely listened to what I actually wanted. He would then make me feel so ungrateful if I didn’t act happy, I see how manipulative and controlling that is now.

I hope your journey to real future happiness continues and thank you again for your supportive words.

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