Whatnext

[Whatnext]

When I first met my ex, he seemed so sweet, caring and loving. He was (detail removed by moderator)years my senior, but I liked that. He seemed so much more mature than the guys I’d met before. I was only a baby myself back then. Just in my (detail removed by moderator teens. But perhaps not mature enough myself to see what I was getting myself into…

I was with him for (detail removed by moderator) years and that’s (detail removed by moderator) years of my life that I still can’t forget, even (detail removed by moderator) years after leaving him.

The abuse started slowly at first, mainly mainly mental abuse to make me feel bad about myself. Comments like “you’re getting fat” or “you make me feel sick when I see you naked”. That didn’t stop him from forcing me to sleep with him though! Even though I’d lost my confidence of showing anyone my body due to his cruel words.

That’s how it started, but it wasn’t long after living into our jointly owned house that it got even worse. I remember vividly the first time he ever properly hit me. We had just finished decorating (detail removed by moderator)our house (detail removed by moderator) I was so proud of our new home and all the work we had put in, but he saw it a different way. Apparently, even though I’d been there every night for weeks sanding down skirting boards, ripping up carpets and painting – I’d not lifted a finger apparently. (detail removed by moderator) He charged towards me as if I’d done the most evil and horrible thing imaginable! At that, his clenched fist smashed into my forehead, knocking me to the floor and I’m out cold!

Things got a million times worse after following this, especially when I finally found the courage to leave him, but it will take me about a year to write all of it down!

That’s just one thing that sticks in my head.

[Whatnext]

I find that even after so many years, I still feel lonely. Not just because I’m single, but lonely because no one understands unless they have been through what I have been through. My friends try, they really do, but telling me that perhaps I need counselling doesn’t help, it just makes me feel patronised as if I’m not clever enough to know what I need. I’ve had counselling and yes, it did help, but I had to work my way through a number of counsellors to find the right one! Counsellors also only really understand what you need if they can indenting with what you’re feeling. Many counsellors don’t always get that.

Does anyone else feel that counselling doesn’t always last? Do you find that what you’ve been through can sometimes come back with a vengeance and play on your mind even yeas after you’ve managed to move away from your abuser?

[Author]

Posts