Blaming ourself is very common and keeps people in these types of relationships for years, decades, lifetimes. This is part of gaslighting.
My ex was the only person I have ever met who was never take responsibility for anything that he does. So unfortunately, you taking the responsibility makes you very human. It’s abuser that’s dysfunctional.
But don’t let this false belief keep you trapped and in pain (even in your own mind).