“It’s a shame you didn’t listen then!”

Yep. Don’t waste your energy on someone who replies like this. It will bring you down. Stick to people who understand and can be supportive when you talk about the abuse. There’s the national domestic abuse helpline. I wonder if she’s saying it to close down the conversation because it’s uncomfortable for her?

I wonder what makes her an “I’m always right” kind of person.

It’ll be hard but this might be another relationship you need to look at a little more closely.

I totally understand that. It sounds like a very complex relationship.

I also have a very difficult relationship with mum. She has been very supportive with the practicalities but emotionally, she has no idea.

I was waiting for the “I told you so” moment and it finally came a few weeks ago.

I was totally upfront and told her that it was not helpful in any way and that it was actually hurtful. She couldn’t stop herself unfortunately and persisted with the point but with much less conviction. There has been no such comments since.

Whatever she says, no-one could have predicted what he would turn out. Hang on to that. No-one could have told you so. Abusers creep up on you silently, you can’t predict it no matter how insightful your mother might think she is. This isn’t your fault.

Sorry to hear this…I can relate ppl just say whatever they want, they seem even less concerned to think about the effect on the person! Like anything goes! Say what you like as if it doesn’t matter!

My sister ( the only person I’ve really confided in) said a similar thing recently (she’s a tricky person who I supported through her tough times!)..however she starts saying (detail removed by moderator)…rubbing it in…how we looked happy! All fake & her pretending like that’s an innocent ok comment! How utterly insensitive & cruel they can be!

Omg I told her a million times do not mention him to me ever again. Why do they do that? It’s like she actually enjoying seeing me upset seriously I think I need a desert island!

I hope you find some peace & quiet too 🤗 thank G we can share experiences!

Nova

My mum used to be like that. When I first met my ex, she was the one telling me he was Mr. Right and I should hold on to him because I’d never find another man like him. Then when he did something abusive, she changed her entire story and said she never liked him and saw all the warning signs. Then when I’d go back to him, he was Mr. Right and I never should’ve left him etc. Basically whatever the circumstance, she wanted me to believe she had some kind of foresight into how it would all play out. I hate to say this but sometimes I wonder if my relationship with my mum wasn’t part of the reason things got so bad with him. It’s so stressful to deal with, I’m sorry.