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    • #128200
      peppa-pig
      Participant

      Today I had another little dig made a little “I told you so comment”
      They really p*** me off, but I always choose not to say anything. Coming from my mum it really grates on me and hurts, I know she doesn’t think she is doing anything wrong but to get hat in every time we talk about what happened makes me less likely to open up to her has anyone else had this ?

    • #128201
      KIP.
      Participant

      Yep. Don’t waste your energy on someone who replies like this. It will bring you down. Stick to people who understand and can be supportive when you talk about the abuse. There’s the national domestic abuse helpline. I wonder if she’s saying it to close down the conversation because it’s uncomfortable for her?

    • #128209
      peppa-pig
      Participant

      I don’t think so my mum has always been an I’m always right kind of person and likes to point that out. We have never particularly been close we are now but a lot of things where said and done between us two that we don’t discuss any of it so there’s that maybe . I don’t know
      X

    • #128218
      Eggshells
      Participant

      I wonder what makes her an “I’m always right” kind of person.

      It’ll be hard but this might be another relationship you need to look at a little more closely.

    • #128220
      peppa-pig
      Participant

      We have always had very strained relationship we are Both at fault for that. I learn to take most things with a pinch of salt because she is my mum and I love her and to be quite honest after everything despite the odd comment she helped me so much when I left him, but when it comes to the comments as I said it grates on me a bit I will say something eventually but I feel like I’m not ready for that confrontation yet x

    • #128223
      Eggshells
      Participant

      I totally understand that. It sounds like a very complex relationship.

      I also have a very difficult relationship with mum. She has been very supportive with the practicalities but emotionally, she has no idea.

      I was waiting for the “I told you so” moment and it finally came a few weeks ago.

      I was totally upfront and told her that it was not helpful in any way and that it was actually hurtful. She couldn’t stop herself unfortunately and persisted with the point but with much less conviction. There has been no such comments since.

      Whatever she says, no-one could have predicted what he would turn out. Hang on to that. No-one could have told you so. Abusers creep up on you silently, you can’t predict it no matter how insightful your mother might think she is. This isn’t your fault.

    • #128228
      peppa-pig
      Participant

      Thank you for sharing that.
      I know one day I will eventually tell her how I feel about it but I just hate confrontation always have even before ex, but like u said said I know it not my fault and i have to remember the fact that despite these comments our relationship is as good as it can be so I should hold on to that I guess,
      I’m just sensitive to comments and things and still get triggers even
      The healing process is long and hard x

    • #128373
      Nova
      Participant

      Sorry to hear this…I can relate ppl just say whatever they want, they seem even less concerned to think about the effect on the person! Like anything goes! Say what you like as if it doesn’t matter!

      My sister ( the only person I’ve really confided in) said a similar thing recently (she’s a tricky person who I supported through her tough times!)..however she starts saying (detail removed by moderator)…rubbing it in…how we looked happy! All fake & her pretending like that’s an innocent ok comment! How utterly insensitive & cruel they can be!

      Omg I told her a million times do not mention him to me ever again. Why do they do that? It’s like she actually enjoying seeing me upset seriously I think I need a desert island!

      I hope you find some peace & quiet too 🤗 thank G we can share experiences!

      Nova

    • #128556
      SurvivorOne
      Participant

      My mum used to be like that. When I first met my ex, she was the one telling me he was Mr. Right and I should hold on to him because I’d never find another man like him. Then when he did something abusive, she changed her entire story and said she never liked him and saw all the warning signs. Then when I’d go back to him, he was Mr. Right and I never should’ve left him etc. Basically whatever the circumstance, she wanted me to believe she had some kind of foresight into how it would all play out. I hate to say this but sometimes I wonder if my relationship with my mum wasn’t part of the reason things got so bad with him. It’s so stressful to deal with, I’m sorry.

    • #128674
      peppa-pig
      Participant

      My mum never liked him, she tried but he showed his true colours very early on i went along with because I was grieving and I was pregnant so quite vulnerable
      Yes my mum warmed me, but she needs to understand I told u so is the wrong thing to say, I hope one day have the courage to say some thing x

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