Please don’t feel this way. You have this forum and we are all here for you.
Are you in the U.K.?
If you are in the U.K. then there a lot of services that help with Domestic Abuse.
I’m just not sure where you are.
Can you try therapy? Family? Trusted Friends?
I think you should consider talking to the police. Especially if there is stalking involved as this puts your safety at risk.