I feel so fed up

Rosemary, You should be in a refuge by right , you’d get the added support and you wouldn’t have to bid for houses,but still in those cases I your children wouldn’t have their own rooms and also you’d be put in a different area to keep you safe from your ex , the only other option is private renting or maybe phoning homeless charities or women’s aid ( I know you have a support worker already)also when you are moved please find out about the area and neighbours first, from refuge I was put into a terrible antisocial housing estate,my housing officer lied to me and my support worker about how “nice” the area was, she also told the elderly/disabled couple if they didn’t like it she’d put them down for a move (instead of moving the perpetrators on instead)I know it’s really hard but you won’t be there forever and your right the council probably doesn’t care, it’s just they’re job to move people around the only people that care are the people who know what’s it like, if I could move you somewhere nice and quickly I would but I can’t, but you will find other members on the forum who’ve been through similar situations, take care rosemary 💞💞💞

Hi Rosemary,

I have been in your situation and can sympathise with you so much. It is really hard living in limbo and not knowing when or where you can pick your life up and get on with it again. I spent quite some time dependent on other people and the outcome of court cases before I could fully move on and put some roots down again. The process of leaving an abuser and finding somewhere else to live, sorting out the finer details of the legal separation process, financial severance, court cases etc does become all consuming and it takes over your life.

Whilst going through all of my situation I did some voluntary work in the community each week and through this I found a support network. The voluntary worked helped me to focus on something else and other people’s needs at the time, which was a welcome relief and escape from my own needs for a little while, and the people I worked with got to know me. As a result of that, I got offered a part time job based on the fact that they already knew I was reliable and capable, and one of the people had a friend who ran a letting agency, so they vouched for me to take on a rental house as I didn’t really have any references. The charity I was volunteering for paid my deposit. I’m not suggesting this is going to work for you, but I had no idea when I started volunteering just what doors this opened up for me during my journey, or how important and helpful the people I met along the way came to being a huge part of my recovery. The other volunteers also helped me with childcare when I got stuck, invited us to their homes for dinner (because they knew I was in a refuge and didn’t really have anywhere else to go) and I know that without all of that happening my recovery would have been totally different.

I’m not sure if this is something you could consider, or are feeling up to doing, but I’m just throwing it out there as an idea as it helped me.

I hope today is a better day for you x

Rosemary, I was lucky with my flat because I don’t have a guarantor either, my flat is above a business I found mine by accident, I just wanted to go back to my home town, found a large set of keys on the pavement and it turned out the business opposite had a flat just empty, it’s surprising and disappointing when someones been in your situation that people don’t step up and offer more help, but a flat above a business I doubt would be big enough for you and you children, you’d need a house, I still think you should phone women’s aid or call into your local domestic abuse centre, I hope things work out soon for you, good luck 💖🍀💖