Am I going mad!!!

Hey Kellym, you’re definitely 100% not going mad. Not at all. You’ve brought joy to the children, seeing their faces light up must have been lovely. This is your right as a parent to do that. The children deserve to be happy. He’s behaving like that because he’s weak and insecure and wants to call all the shots. Hes driven by power and control. It’s pathetic. The silent treatment, emotional abuse etc it’s exhausting and no way to live. You deserve so much better. It sounds like you’re on the right path. Trust your gut. Wishing you luck and sending strength. X

No you definitely are not . This sounds like gaslighting . I have these moments which I have name “w*f” moments which leave me bewildered as it makes no sense . Reading this from someone else feels like it does make sense its about him wanting power and control as weembreeze has said
Take care xx

You’re not going mad… Trust yourself – you did a nice thing for your children, because you’re kind and a good mum – he used it to hurt you with. Then he wants you to rub his feet?? Eww…

Sounds so similar to my life – can I ask how your planning to get out? Really wish I could be strong and make the move I’m so unhappy xx

You had every right to buy the children a little toy. My ex used to do the same. He’d get annoyed if I wanted to get the kids treats sometimes. He’d also lie across the sofa and ask me to sit on another chair because his back hurt. It’s subtle, and not so subtle entitlement.

I hope you are ok. You are doing really well and the fact you’re on here questioning things, shows you’re recognising behaviours of his that aren’t right. It’s hard, when you’re in it, to not push things aside. It’s a foggy mess. I still struggle and I’ve been out for a while now. But even the post separation control/abuse is difficult to navigate, but not like it was when we lived together.
You’re on the right track. Have you heard of The Freedom Programme?

Hello Kellym you are no coward you are a brave brave woman who is dealing with awful abuse. There are lots of very worrying things here – he is a danger to you and your children. Support is available to you and your precious babies. Call the police x get them and yourself safe. I fled with mine I didn’t think I could do it but I have. Abuse gets worse don’t tell him of any plans you make to leave. You can do this with those babies he is not safe for you or them to be around. There is always a way support is out there to get you through. All that matters just now is to get you and your babies safe everything else can be sorted after. Have you thought of refuge? X*x

Hi Kellym,

Watersprite is right. This is a really dangerous situation for you and your children and getting to a place of safety is a priority for you.

You can find your local support charity using the WA directory. https://www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-abuse-directory/

Please take this seriously, you are at high risk as are your children who are being abused by witnessing what is happening. Please don’t underestimate how traumatising this is for them. I once worked with a 7 year old girl whose hands shook all day from the fear of going home and finding her mother dead.

Once you are in a safe place, you can start thinking about getting an occupation order and non-moleststion order to remove him from the house and keep him away from you.

As I understand it, occupation orders are most commonly granted within 6 weeks of a violent attack (although that could have been my ex lying to me). So please act now.

Hey great advice above. Yes abuse does escalate, and read back, yours is escalating very fast. I read your first post then the last, only 5 weeks between them. Please see your GP, and tell them how your ribs got broken. Ask for a referral to your local DA service. Or refer yourself. If you don’t know who they are, check the list above. Occupation Orders can be got quite quickly. If you can face it I would make a statement to the police, you can state that it doesn’t get followed up until you are ready to make the next steps. There are other women here who know much more than me about police intervention. Maybe search here as there have been some good posts on how the police can help. Stay strong, and for now, try and keep out of his way, and don’t get up his nose in any way at all. It was the advice my IDVA gave me when the abuse escalated. She said it goes against the grain when you are being treated badly but its in high risk category so don’t ignore him but try and avoid as much as possible. Without winding him up. In the meantime can you tell a close friend or family member? It will help to share with someone trusted and to say it out loud will help to make it real for you. Google what is domestic abuse? Have you read any books or listened to anything. If reading is too obvious with him around, try on audible or other audio books sites, or podcasts Caroline Strawson does a good 15 minute bitesize one that explains loads of different aspects of abuse. Keep posting, whatever you don’t know, someone here will be able to help you work it out. Any question, someone will be able to answer. xx

You’re definitely not mad! Abusers are very good at making us feel like it’s us and we are the problem. It is part of the manipulation unfortunately for us.

I am so sorry to hear what you have been going through. I can relate and just want you to be free from it like I am now.

It does feel like the biggest jump in the world and can be scary but it is the best thing for you and your children.

Sending love and hope that you are safe xx