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My ex is blocked on Facebook and fb messenger. This means attempted calls and messages go to a spam folder. After a while of pleasant silence there have been communication attempts every few weeks. Last night a number of attempted calls and messages trying to get me to call so we can clear the air. Ha. Like I didn’t fall for that before. Hinting at grand schemes for his life (ditto) and the odd one liner designed to enrage or worry me. Despite seeing his hoovering and manipulation for what it is, them temptation to contact (to give him a piece of my mind) was strong. SO… I’m reminding and affirming this morning. I am Grey Rock. I DO NOT respond. EVER. Not in any way. Not for any reason. Not to anything.
It may not work 100% but it’s been the best way of safeguarding my safety and sanity to date.
GR
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@greyrock you are amazing x
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Stressed and alone, I don’t feel like I’ve been strong. I just learned the hard way. It took a while to get to where I am, and the temptation is still there. I learned through experience that what he says / promises bears no relationship to reality. He’s convincing (possibly because he believes his own patter or just because he’s a brazen nar…cist). I gave SO many chances. Jumped at SO many suicide threats. To say I was a slow learner doesn’t start to cover it. All I could think about was the wonderful start to the relationship. But now I can accept that was just the normal start to a cycle of abuse. It broke my heart to not contact before I accepted that though.
I still came home tired tonight thinking ‘perhaps just talking it through wouldn’t hurt’. But of course it would. It would just start that cycle off again and give him the opportunity to mess with my head and the FOG would be there again (fear, obligation and guilt) when he inevitably acted sad and helpless. It’s a case of playing the tape forward the s**t bits and basing decisions on experience and what he does / did rather than hopes and what he says.
I did watch LOTS of Dr Ramani YouTube and read a LOT of posts on this forum before I could even start to understand what I had experienced though.
Keep on keeping on.
GR -
Well done! Any attention is good attention for someone like him.
If they ever are given any breadcrumbs to sustain themselves they will never stop – they will keep feeding on any breadcrumbs of communication hoping that they will eventually get the whole loaf. But if you give them nothing, the hope is they will eventually recognise they aren’t getting their fill from us and move on.
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I really needed this thread. I have to see my ex because we have kids but after several recent abusive encounters with him my plan moving forward is to use a 3rd party for all hand offs/custody exchanges and not do any verbal communication whatsoever. It’s the only way for me to even begin to start to heal and recover from everything I’ve endured. I’m looking forward to getting some emotional distance from him.
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Thankyou!!!! So so much! I am (detail removed by Moderator) weeks in ans hopefull. The other times I always let him talk yty ans explain. This time i know its different. I found out so much about him and what he has donw without mw knowing. I do miss him, i do love him but i know now what he is and i know if i ever want to bw happy and have children ive gotro stick to this. No matter how nice he is or what triggering lines he uses i know now its all to gwt mw to engage ans fuel his ego.
Thankyou. Please keep ua updated with how it is going for you. Like i said its esrly days for me. I think your post has inspired so many.
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Hey Hopeful.
Congratulations on seeing the patterns and taking the steps you have to get free of your ex.
Ok. Not heard anything for a few months. I’ve just finished my Freedom Program last week and that was really useful. I’d def recommend it. Still watch the Dr Ramani YouTube videos too. Ok m just hoping things stay quiet once the restraining order comes to an end. I’m def stringer now but know I’d probably pee myself if I bumped into him or he turned up.
Good luck. Grey Rock is def the way to go.
GR
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Thankyou. So far so good! What’s bad is I am still under his spell and almost want him to conact me to show me he loves me. 🙄. Which is just awful i feel that way but I do.
But I have everything in place so he can’t Although I think he knows this time I wont be giving him any form of supply and I am sure he will bw getting ir from elsewhere.
Thanks again.
I’ve watched somw of the videos. God i wish id have known about them before.
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