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    • #131269
      Grey Rock
      Participant

      My ex is blocked on Facebook and fb messenger. This means attempted calls and messages go to a spam folder. After a while of pleasant silence there have been communication attempts every few weeks. Last night a number of attempted calls and messages trying to get me to call so we can clear the air. Ha. Like I didn’t fall for that before. Hinting at grand schemes for his life (ditto) and the odd one liner designed to enrage or worry me. Despite seeing his hoovering and manipulation for what it is, them temptation to contact (to give him a piece of my mind) was strong. SO… I’m reminding and affirming this morning. I am Grey Rock. I DO NOT respond. EVER. Not in any way. Not for any reason. Not to anything.

      It may not work 100% but it’s been the best way of safeguarding my safety and sanity to date.

      GR

    • #131271
      Stressedandalone
      Participant

      How do you get to be so strong? I want to contact my ex and it’s killing me

    • #131272
      Bananaboat
      Participant

      Well done đź’•

    • #131275
      nbumblebee
      Participant

      @greyrock you are amazing x

    • #131301
      Grey Rock
      Participant

      Stressed and alone, I don’t feel like I’ve been strong. I just learned the hard way. It took a while to get to where I am, and the temptation is still there. I learned through experience that what he says / promises bears no relationship to reality. He’s convincing (possibly because he believes his own patter or just because he’s a brazen nar…cist). I gave SO many chances. Jumped at SO many suicide threats. To say I was a slow learner doesn’t start to cover it. All I could think about was the wonderful start to the relationship. But now I can accept that was just the normal start to a cycle of abuse. It broke my heart to not contact before I accepted that though.

      I still came home tired tonight thinking ‘perhaps just talking it through wouldn’t hurt’. But of course it would. It would just start that cycle off again and give him the opportunity to mess with my head and the FOG would be there again (fear, obligation and guilt) when he inevitably acted sad and helpless. It’s a case of playing the tape forward the s**t bits and basing decisions on experience and what he does / did rather than hopes and what he says.

      I did watch LOTS of Dr Ramani YouTube and read a LOT of posts on this forum before I could even start to understand what I had experienced though.

      Keep on keeping on.
      GR

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