Hello Unsinkableunicorn,
Welcome back to the forum and thank you for sharing what’s going on for you at the moment with us.
It sounds like your visit back home was really distressing and as you mention, seems to have felt like you were dragged right back into the abusive dynamic that exists there.
Only you can decide whether to lend this person the money. It sounds like it feels incredibly difficult to say no to him, which is understandable, but must be hard to realise this as you seem to have come so far after leaving.
Whatever you decide to do, it sounds like this visit has made it very clear that you can and have managed on your own, away from this environment, and that nothing at home has changed.
I’m sure others will be along to offer support soon also.
Take care and keep posting,
Lisa