I think im getting bad again.

Those thoughts of his voice berating you are ones of the things that need to be challenged.

So pleasd to hear that you have taken up teaching yourself nails, and you are doing this because you want to, and because its something you are interested in. Having these interests that reflect who you are and what you enjoy is vital. Certain types of music can be really helpful to alter the mood to benefit you too, and any other interests you find to pursue.

You have left him and still have to remove him from your mind. Maybe think about what you might say out loud to someone who was rude to you irl. Come up with some words that you feel would make them realise how rude/nasty they’d been and shut them up! Each time you have these words in your mind that he used to say to you, answer back in your head whatever challenging reply you have thought of, then make it stronger and louder to chase those words out of your head and break free of them.

He’s living in your head rent free, and you can drive him out 🙂

I do this with quite rude words simply telling it to shut up, shut up, and then s**u! (if needed). 🙂

Others can only hear who you are through talking, can only connect with you through your words, so your talking is vital, it served ‘his’ purpose to silence you, because it was a threat to him, he couldn’t cope with someone speaking, but this is your valuable right, to speak and be heard, like you are here, its important and I can hear whats happening for you because of it, never shut that down, it will also be your way of getting out of this and moving on.

I’m glad you have found a therapist, do you find they are helping with processing what you’ve suffered? Do you feel it helps, they undersand, and provide useful ways of overcoming your challenges? I hope so, but if not it’s vital you let your GP know this. It can take time to find the right one for you, not all counsellors will be the right fit foryou so that the process works to the best.

warmest wishes

ts

Its no surprise that you find it difficult to open up, and its good that you have managed that here, taken the leap of faith if you like 🙂 Its a huge positive step for someone, who, as you say, has such ground in beliefs that you will be blamed somehow for feelings! or marked as somehow ‘insane’ for feeling the results of abuse.

I am so glad you have managed to speak as you have, and hope that you are feeling comfortable with your counsellor, and feeling that they are a good enough fit for you, and helping, that you can taking your time, slowly grow your trust. Its expected that this will take time, trust needs to be earned, and you can’t force your trust, go at your own pace, and they will have to work to your pace, maybe just pushing a little here and there to help you onto next stages, etc.

Being strong is to feel strong enough to air your emotions, to stand by them and believe in them, and/or to manage them quite happily yourself, but not to shy away from.

Its the old voice that he has ingrained into your mind that you can challenge by answering it back 🙂

You will win this if you focus on your and how important you are, listen to yourself and support yourself in all ways that you can.

warmest wishes

ts

Don’t allow him to win anymore, imagine him shrunk down far away to a troll
size saying all these horrible things and you thinking (oh your just a weird little troll go away) I do these these exercise (I made them up) completely understand what their words and actions can drive you to (been there (detail removed by Moderator)) but we’re still here so I’m believing there must be a plan and future for us, when you disconnect entirely from them and anyone connected to them you eventually see everything for the facts they were and how truly ugly inside these people are to get enjoyment to intentionally and regularly do and say those things (they’re dark inside) it takes a while to get out of (in your mind) but when you realise the truth it does get easier (I hope your therapist can help you unlearn/question what he’s said thats still having an impact, just because we hear their self limiting down putting comments and statements imprinted in our mind doesn’t mean we have to believe them (we’ve already picked apart 1 of his evil lies) hope you keep posting, see how your going along in the journey 🤗💕💖

It takes time things don’t happen overnight, maybe different things work for different people but I had to visually imagine my abusers shrunk down tiny size cos they were really intimidating and the smear campaign and character assassination they caused was horrendous also when you think about things he said to you to you write it down with an opposite statement at the side as to why it isn’t true it takes practice to actually believe things as we have been brainwashed and it’s got “stuck” in there but we have to brainwash ourselves back with good statements regularly 🧡💛💚

Aw we all have a crash sometimes but they do pass (like everything else), maybe go to the beach (I find it clearing when I’m by water) or have a walk in the forest (if you like them) try and remember things that made you happy get creative with something, listen to music you like or haven’t listened to in a while + remember “you” sometimes we get lost after things like this + lose our identity + self + forget who we are? remember you or make a new you, your already a new you cos you’ve obviously got a huge resilient, you gained knowledge and chose yourself instead of someone who tried to change you to suit themselves and that’s a “huge” thing write a gratitude list it helps to remember what you’ve got, what you’ve achieved and what you’ve let go of, have a laugh with something (it helps) but yeah we do crash sometimes (I crash too) it’s just the process that’s going on from it
🤗🤗💕