Who cares……?

Its not that I don’t have friends, for I do…..its just that they are too busy for me……. I’m X years out now and they all think I should be fine …….they all DO think I’m fine……

That’s why I’m on here every day, my friends don’t want to hear my sorry tales, they are getting on with their lives, and think I am too…….

But I just crave company, just someone to say on the spur of the moment……its a nice day let’s go do X,Y,Z…….but they are doin X,Y,Z with their own families…..

Even something as simple as a text, or a Facebook message, just to say hiya, how you doin, what you up to…..

Even if they don’t have the TIME for me, if only they would make contact and say, hiya, thinking of you, you OK???

But it doesn’t happen…….

I messages them most weekends when I need a chat, but it would just be so lovely if they’d think of me and want to check I’m doing OK…..

I’ve just sat here and gone through about a dozen of my Facebook friends, messaged them all, to see who’s sat about like me doing nothing – 2 replies…..

It’s not that they don’t care – its just that they don’t THINK – they are busy and so they just presume that I am too……….

Well I’m been sat here all afternoon eating crisps and biscuits – not even showered or dressed yet, and me mam is coming for tea at 5-00/6-00 – so I’d better get in the shower and get the tea on cooking!!!!

HI Betterdays and Confused – yeah its not easy is it…… but one thing I know for sure – no mater how lonely I get I NEVER EVER want him back – I KNOW I’m better off without him in my life – he was no good for me – he put me through too much and I cant ever go back to that life again……..

But the thing is because everything is OK in my friends lives – they think Im OK too – just because I don’t TELL them Im not coping with things – does not mean that I AM coping with it all…..

I know they all have work, and their own families to care for, they quite obviously don’t feel the need to have a social life – or at least they don’t want one with me …..they could be out every weekend and I wouldn’t know.

Just been miserable this last two days – feeling really grotty and just needin a cuddle from someone who cares…..someone to say its OK – it’ll be fine …. lets go and do X,Y,Z tomorrow night or next weekend……

I JUST WANT SOMEONE TO CARE ABOUT ME…………………………

What can I say ………….some days I just feel so hopeless at everything and struggle to do even basic housework – I just sit eating all day, and I have no oomph – no get up and go – no energy – no spirit – no life in me – so mournful – so miserable – so pathetic – I just cant be bothered with anything.

I wanted to leave him and be happy have a better life – but Im still waiting for it to happen…….I know I had to get away from him – he was making our lives unbearable – and I know we are better off without him – and all he did to us – and I am thankful to be away and be safe but…………….

I cant even look after the house properly – how would I ever cope with a full time job – I feel so terrible that I can’t support my kids and provide a good life fur them…………..

But I just cant ask for help – they all think X years down the line Im out, Im free, Ive moved on and everything is OK – but it just doesn’t seem very OK right now.

I just need someone to reach out and MAKE AN EFFORT – just do something NICE to show me they actually do CARE – and are here for me and are listening to me……

Just one of them to turn up on my doorstep and say just popped past for a coffee to see how you are, or nip past with a bunch of flowers to say “I care/thinking of you” – or pop past with a bottle of wine and say lets have a few drinks and an good old natter……or say its a lovely day lets go for a walk……

I have 5 friends who have been in my life for varying degrees of time, people who I have relied on in the past – one from primary school days, one since my first child was born, and two from when I moved in to this area, and my cousin/friend who I grew up with – they HAVE all been there for me in the past – but obviously now think everything is OK and Im fine now X years down the line…….

I just don’t want to be running to them moaning and pleeping all the time – I don’t want to be so miserable and so ‘needy’ – I want to be happy, and a free spirit, and ‘bright and breezy’.

I don’t actually have a support worker as Im X years out now – and I should be OK.

I have decided I need to go and see my doctor, this is gone on for long enough. I need help, professional help…..I need to do something….. Counseling? Tablets? …….something…..

I can’t do this by myself anymore…….