Who cares……?

[mixed-up mum]

So I’m sitting here my daughter, watching BGT – the same as we do every Saturday night……

Just been to the shop for milk, and walking back I start thinking, I wish I had a life – I wish I had someone who cared about me, cared enough to actually WANT to spend time with me……

A friend….or a boyfriend…..just someone who values me enough to CHOOSE to spend their time with me.

A friend/boyfriend to visit, share a bottle of wine, have a chat.
A friend/boyfriend to go out for a meal with, go to the pics with, go for a drink with…..not all the time, just every now and then,

I’d just like to feel special to someone, I just want to matter to someone……

I know I have my daughter, and I’m so thankful I have her, and I love her to bits, and we are so close, and we enjoy the same TV programmes, but we sit in together 7 nights a week…..its not fair on either of us – we each of us desereve a life…..

I know I’m lucky to have her, and I’d be lost without her in my life, but just occasionally I’d like to have a bit of fun, and ‘excitement’ in my life.

But all my friends are too busy, they all have their own lives, partners, families…I just want somebody to say, let’s have a girly night in, let’s go to Pics, let’s go for a meal….just something to look forward to, somthing to break the monotony…..

I’m not looking for sympathy here….. I just wanted to get this out…..these thoughts in my mind…..

Thank you.

x*x

[Serenity]

You will find those special people.

The more you go out and mix, the more kindred spirits you will come across x*x

[mixed-up mum]

Its not that I don’t have friends, for I do…..its just that they are too busy for me……. I’m X years out now and they all think I should be fine …….they all DO think I’m fine……

That’s why I’m on here every day, my friends don’t want to hear my sorry tales, they are getting on with their lives, and think I am too…….

But I just crave company, just someone to say on the spur of the moment……its a nice day let’s go do X,Y,Z…….but they are doin X,Y,Z with their own families…..

Even something as simple as a text, or a Facebook message, just to say hiya, how you doin, what you up to…..

Even if they don’t have the TIME for me, if only they would make contact and say, hiya, thinking of you, you OK???

But it doesn’t happen…….

I messages them most weekends when I need a chat, but it would just be so lovely if they’d think of me and want to check I’m doing OK…..

[Serenity]

A single friend of mine calls these people ‘smug and married’!

Those who are too caught up in their married state to give time to a single friend!

Keep on plugging away at doing different things. You will meet new people. Maybe one day, one of your smug and married friends will need your help and understanding, if their relationship falls apart!

[mixed-up mum]

I’ve just sat here and gone through about a dozen of my Facebook friends, messaged them all, to see who’s sat about like me doing nothing – 2 replies…..

It’s not that they don’t care – its just that they don’t THINK – they are busy and so they just presume that I am too……….

Well I’m been sat here all afternoon eating crisps and biscuits – not even showered or dressed yet, and me mam is coming for tea at 5-00/6-00 – so I’d better get in the shower and get the tea on cooking!!!!

[betterdays]

Hi mixed up mum I feel exactly the same I have my boys too my friends are getting on with there own life’s I feel lonely so much even when he were here it were another adult to talk to although toxic. X

[Confused123]

HI Hun

dont worry u not alone, i think loads of us feel like that , i myself just find myself always analysing my life , rememember we always have each another on here

[mixed-up mum]

HI Betterdays and Confused – yeah its not easy is it…… but one thing I know for sure – no mater how lonely I get I NEVER EVER want him back – I KNOW I’m better off without him in my life – he was no good for me – he put me through too much and I cant ever go back to that life again……..

But the thing is because everything is OK in my friends lives – they think Im OK too – just because I don’t TELL them Im not coping with things – does not mean that I AM coping with it all…..

I know they all have work, and their own families to care for, they quite obviously don’t feel the need to have a social life – or at least they don’t want one with me …..they could be out every weekend and I wouldn’t know.

Just been miserable this last two days – feeling really grotty and just needin a cuddle from someone who cares…..someone to say its OK – it’ll be fine …. lets go and do X,Y,Z tomorrow night or next weekend……

[mixed-up mum]

I JUST WANT SOMEONE TO CARE ABOUT ME…………………………

What can I say ………….some days I just feel so hopeless at everything and struggle to do even basic housework – I just sit eating all day, and I have no oomph – no get up and go – no energy – no spirit – no life in me – so mournful – so miserable – so pathetic – I just cant be bothered with anything.

I wanted to leave him and be happy have a better life – but Im still waiting for it to happen…….I know I had to get away from him – he was making our lives unbearable – and I know we are better off without him – and all he did to us – and I am thankful to be away and be safe but…………….

I cant even look after the house properly – how would I ever cope with a full time job – I feel so terrible that I can’t support my kids and provide a good life fur them…………..

[Confused123]

Hey Hun

Sorry u feeling low , again u have to reach out for help , tell your friends u going through low patch , speak to a support worker about your feelings . I’m at stage where have been crying for few days , told my b friend I don’t won’t to talk about it, it is closed topic them just cried too her this morning , talk to your network of support someone will be able to help u

[mixed-up mum]

But I just cant ask for help – they all think X years down the line Im out, Im free, Ive moved on and everything is OK – but it just doesn’t seem very OK right now.

I just need someone to reach out and MAKE AN EFFORT – just do something NICE to show me they actually do CARE – and are here for me and are listening to me……

Just one of them to turn up on my doorstep and say just popped past for a coffee to see how you are, or nip past with a bunch of flowers to say “I care/thinking of you” – or pop past with a bottle of wine and say lets have a few drinks and an good old natter……or say its a lovely day lets go for a walk……

I have 5 friends who have been in my life for varying degrees of time, people who I have relied on in the past – one from primary school days, one since my first child was born, and two from when I moved in to this area, and my cousin/friend who I grew up with – they HAVE all been there for me in the past – but obviously now think everything is OK and Im fine now X years down the line…….

I just don’t want to be running to them moaning and pleeping all the time – I don’t want to be so miserable and so ‘needy’ – I want to be happy, and a free spirit, and ‘bright and breezy’.

I don’t actually have a support worker as Im X years out now – and I should be OK.

[mixed-up mum]

I have decided I need to go and see my doctor, this is gone on for long enough. I need help, professional help…..I need to do something….. Counseling? Tablets? …….something…..

I can’t do this by myself anymore…….

[Confused123]

HI HUn

Maybe that might be a good idea,ive been out x years and i think i should be over it but i always get told by counsellor to give myself time, sometimes these agencies can help

[Author]

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