Feeling down after the high of getting the money sorted

I know just how you are feeling. I’ve had such a battle to get into the house with my kids. A house that is now going to be my responsibility to sell and get up to scratch for doing so. Hearing the lies he told in the court and knowing that he was willing to do that to us has left me extremely low. Once the adrenaline runs out you realise your left with a bit of an empty mess to sort out. I ended up going to GP and reluctantly started antidepressants. They are making me feel worse before I will get better but I’m struggling with why after such a fight, being in this house makes me feel as anxious as it does. X

Sorry F’S. which I had something useful to offer. just wanted to show support. Sending u a little hug….best I can do cos I hate people touching me….I’m making exception for u as you seem so down

I completely understand.

I went from having no interest in money in my marriage, to realising I needed to fight him in court as he had every intention of making us penniless, to then dealing with the emotional fall-out after the court.

Once the case is over, and the adrenaline subsides, the reality of who they are and what they have done to you hits you good and proper. It’s like you have a space now in which you can face reality and grieve.

It’s yet another hurdle. And it’s easy to feel low, because what you thought was sacred when you first met them is now reduced to pound signs.

My ex too tried- and still tries- to lie about me to the kids.

Because I got more than 50/50 ( because of his hidden funds) mine is playing on the fact and saying I took almost everything. A complete lie. It’s just that I realised at the eleventh hour who he was- and how much money he had stored away. But would my kids believe that? He would deny it. God knows what he’s saying about me.

I really feel for you, FS, with the situation with your son.

All I can say is, whilst you are near your ex, he can deflect attention away from himself and try to project onto you and make you look bad. Without you around, he won’t have you to take attention off him- he will have to deal with building a proper relationship with his kids, without you as scapegoat, and I think this is when he is most likely to show his true colours.

I hope that you will be able to experience more space and freedom. If you hate the furniture and it reminds you of him, why not sell it and replace it? You can get nice things second-hand. Slowly make changes to the house. Make it yours.

It is totally unjust that you are being treated as you are, but don’t take on any guilt or shame. You have done nothing wrong. It’s his abusive nature and manipulativeness that is at fault. Make sure the future is about you and your happiness x

HI Hun

I ndont have too much experience in this area, from what i hear of ladies and knowing my ex will be same they just like to drag everything as long as possible just to annoy us, i can understand what u mean by stuff in house must irriate u, in was the same when i left he let me have nothing and even when he did eventually give u just relate it to bad memories, just try and sell it on ebay or gum tree, why should they have everything easy

I was the same after the court case, albeit a trial at Crown Court. I felt I’d spent the best part of a year gearing up to it and once it was over I felt a indescribable crushing depression. I’d focused a lot of my time on the practical process and expected to feel relieved it was all over. Instead I felt very sad and low and it’s almost like it cements what went on and how the end has become a definite.

xx