27th April 2016 at 7:41 pm #15554
After the high of getting the financial side sorted yesterday, I feel so low.
I couldn’t have got any more money wise but I feel cheated, I have lost my children and grandchildren. Part of me not even sure if I want anything to do with them, seeing my son go with him to the court and then lying about money with him has cut me to the quick.
Part of the settlement is that I have everything in the house apart from a his personnel things, I look round and its tatty and tainted, I really don’t know why I said yes. Part of me thinks he will use it to carry on the abuse.
It’s like he abused me physically and mentally again, my solicitor advised me that with his past actions the only way I can stop him from stalling the sale is to stay here.
I must be near the end of the tunnel soon.
27th April 2016 at 7:55 pm #15555Escaped not freeParticipant
I know just how you are feeling. I’ve had such a battle to get into the house with my kids. A house that is now going to be my responsibility to sell and get up to scratch for doing so. Hearing the lies he told in the court and knowing that he was willing to do that to us has left me extremely low. Once the adrenaline runs out you realise your left with a bit of an empty mess to sort out. I ended up going to GP and reluctantly started antidepressants. They are making me feel worse before I will get better but I’m struggling with why after such a fight, being in this house makes me feel as anxious as it does. X
27th April 2016 at 8:10 pm #15556shine bright 2Participant
Sorry F’S. which I had something useful to offer. just wanted to show support. Sending u a little hug….best I can do cos I hate people touching me….I’m making exception for u as you seem so down
27th April 2016 at 8:15 pm #15557SerenityParticipant
I completely understand.
I went from having no interest in money in my marriage, to realising I needed to fight him in court as he had every intention of making us penniless, to then dealing with the emotional fall-out after the court.
Once the case is over, and the adrenaline subsides, the reality of who they are and what they have done to you hits you good and proper. It’s like you have a space now in which you can face reality and grieve.
It’s yet another hurdle. And it’s easy to feel low, because what you thought was sacred when you first met them is now reduced to pound signs.
My ex too tried- and still tries- to lie about me to the kids.
Because I got more than 50/50 ( because of his hidden funds) mine is playing on the fact and saying I took almost everything. A complete lie. It’s just that I realised at the eleventh hour who he was- and how much money he had stored away. But would my kids believe that? He would deny it. God knows what he’s saying about me.
I really feel for you, FS, with the situation with your son.
All I can say is, whilst you are near your ex, he can deflect attention away from himself and try to project onto you and make you look bad. Without you around, he won’t have you to take attention off him- he will have to deal with building a proper relationship with his kids, without you as scapegoat, and I think this is when he is most likely to show his true colours.
I hope that you will be able to experience more space and freedom. If you hate the furniture and it reminds you of him, why not sell it and replace it? You can get nice things second-hand. Slowly make changes to the house. Make it yours.
It is totally unjust that you are being treated as you are, but don’t take on any guilt or shame. You have done nothing wrong. It’s his abusive nature and manipulativeness that is at fault. Make sure the future is about you and your happiness x
27th April 2016 at 8:44 pm #15560
ENF thank you for your words, I hate being in this house but he won’t make me leave before the sale, because he will stall and its taking long enough to sale with out that. The only good thing with him lying was my solicitor told him we knew he was lying and that I was going to continue with the solution. He hates being told he’s bee found out so that would be worth it.
SB2 your hug means so much thank you xx
Serenity thank you for your wise words, I have decided to have everything then either car boot or internet sale it. Then get replacement second hand. If he doesn’t take the bed he rape me in I will burn it. I do feel once I not with him and he doesn’t change they will know then the truth.
27th April 2016 at 10:39 pm #15582Confused123Participant
I ndont have too much experience in this area, from what i hear of ladies and knowing my ex will be same they just like to drag everything as long as possible just to annoy us, i can understand what u mean by stuff in house must irriate u, in was the same when i left he let me have nothing and even when he did eventually give u just relate it to bad memories, just try and sell it on ebay or gum tree, why should they have everything easy
28th April 2016 at 12:05 pm #15630
I can see now after giving him four options so we could move on and he wouldn’t have it, it shows how much he doesn’t really want me to be away from him.
One of my friends is into carboots, ebay and facebay so with a little help I will get red of it all.
But don’t they always seem get away with it, lets hope that karma visit them soon. 😀
28th April 2016 at 6:27 pm #15679undertherainbowParticipant
I was the same after the court case, albeit a trial at Crown Court. I felt I’d spent the best part of a year gearing up to it and once it was over I felt a indescribable crushing depression. I’d focused a lot of my time on the practical process and expected to feel relieved it was all over. Instead I felt very sad and low and it’s almost like it cements what went on and how the end has become a definite.
28th April 2016 at 11:08 pm #15728
Thankyou undertherainbow for your reply, x.
I feel like I will never be truly free from him.
For someone that says he doesn’t want me anymore he is dead everything so we can’t separate.
I just have to stay strong
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