Menopause and hormones

Hi Chocolatebunnie,

These are all different ways he’s putting the blame for his behaviour onto you, trying to make you take on that responsibility. This is a way that abusers make their partners think if they (the partner) change then the abuse will stop. It’s a way of being controlling. His abusive behaviour is not because of your hormones, your mental health, your upbringing, or anything that you do. It’s not normal ageing couple stuff. It is a choice he makes about how he treats you.

It is normal to question this stuff, that’s one of the impacts of the abuse. I’m really glad that when you struggle with these thoughts you come here for reassurance.

Take care and keep posting,
Lisa

Mmm… I think because of lack of hormones, being peri-menopausal, plus societal expectations of women while she’s going through “the change” and the outcomes there… I feel like I’ve actually been empowered to look at my situation with clarity and … obviously voice my opinion that “its a bit $h!t, women get a raw deal”, and for once being taken seriously about it.

That’s actually a bit sad. There may or may not be some scientific evidence around all of that, where many suggest that while women have their cycles, the hormones involved inclines women to “put up and shut up” more. I sorta subscribe to that thought based on my personal experience… and in recognising societal expectations of women — where women are pre-disposed to societal expectations that are completely different from men. While she’s of child-bearing age, she’s expected to “put up and shut up” more… where by comparison, when she becomes the crone, she’s either revered for her wisdom (not the likely scenario), or ignored all together (the most common scenario, by far). Hooray, patriarchy, which imho contributes to domestic abuse.

Also given that almost all scientific study has focused on men, rather than women… because OMG, women have hormones and their bodies are always changing as a result of menstruation… and its too hard to have “stable controls” for any scientific method experimentation on women. (I got so many opinions there… anyhoo…)

Anytime hormones are brought up, its inherently misogynistic, imho. I often have to catch myself on that as my children have hit puberty and I do have to catch/stop myself when referring to one over the other. Its just been so conditioned and it is horrid.

I’m a big fan of Maisie Hill’s “Period Power” and “Peri-menopause Power” which is more inclined towards empowering yourself through hormonal cycles … but then also while possibly just riding on top of so many societal expectations about women in the various stages of life.

You are not crazy cuz hormones. Your views are valid no matter where you are at in the cycle, or even if you cycle very little or not at all. Don’t let your abuser belittle you for your beliefs because of societal myths around a woman’s cycle. There are women pioneers & heroes all over the place where none of that ever came into question.

Several people told me they thought I was going into perimenopause due to symptoms I have been experiencing over the last couple of years. I now believe that a lot of these symptoms were actually appearing because of stress and anxiety. So I would think that if you have both menopause and the additional stress and anxiety, it would all be a lot for your body and mind to deal with.

Just because he says it isn’t happening does not mean it isn’t. His behaviour is not your fault.

hugs

My partner say I was being moody, but I often felt it was his behavior that pushed my buttons. It’s so frustrating when they don’t acknowledge what we’re going through. I used to feel so affectionate and gentle too, but with the added stress and feelings of withdrawal, it’s hard to keep that up.

Hey CB. So apart from my anxiety and ling term health condition (detail removed by moderator) Everything I suffer from health wise is due to anxiety a huge bhild up of stress and exhaustion. And i like you an of the peri menopause so added that in plus living as we do plus livjng with a c****y past is it any wonder we feel batshit crazy at times? I mean gosh just sit and think about what we have been through how we feel day 2 day is it any wonder? So yes we are hormonal yes we are stressed yes we are hurt but YES this is down to them not us they did this they do this we we need to find a way through we need to find a way to re gain trust in ourselves learn to like the skin we are in. Learn to set boundries if we stay or learn to get the hell out. Thats on us not the lain the stress the anxiety thats on them.

Do not doubt your pain your fear do not allow him that bit of you.

Much love sweetie x*x

I was blamed for p*s, then peri menopause, then menopause. It’s a perfect excuse for abusive people to reverse blame and put it on us. It’s just the perfect excuse and it can last a lifetime. No need for a time limit on that one. What was ACTUALLY causing any mood problems that I may have had, was being with somebody who behaved like they hated me, while telling me they loved me.

I have a suspicion that female hormones make us more compassionate, forgiving and selfless…skills needed to be a mother. The menopause was a wake up moment for me.

🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗

My heart goes out to you