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    • #165614
      Chocolatebunnie
      Participant

      Being told I’m hormonal, crazy and implying that I’m very difficult but I often find others say he is actually the one being difficult, the kids will say so.

      Did you find hormones made things worse, or did you see the truth more and it heightened your anxiety and sadness

      He keeps away during my monthly’s and says it’s because of me then when I am ok he’s saying I’m nicer, then it’s sex he’s after, no affection much in between this has made me withdraw physically I used to be so gentle and kind to him just in general but that’s been lost along the way.

      Is this just normal aging couple stuff my heads spinning with is it me am I crazy, it’s my mental health it’s my upbringing.

    • #165653
      Lisa
      Main Moderator

      Hi Chocolatebunnie,

      These are all different ways he’s putting the blame for his behaviour onto you, trying to make you take on that responsibility. This is a way that abusers make their partners think if they (the partner) change then the abuse will stop. It’s a way of being controlling. His abusive behaviour is not because of your hormones, your mental health, your upbringing, or anything that you do. It’s not normal ageing couple stuff. It is a choice he makes about how he treats you.

      It is normal to question this stuff, that’s one of the impacts of the abuse. I’m really glad that when you struggle with these thoughts you come here for reassurance.

      Take care and keep posting,
      Lisa

    • #165667
      browneyedmum
      Participant

      Mmm… I think because of lack of hormones, being peri-menopausal, plus societal expectations of women while she’s going through “the change” and the outcomes there… I feel like I’ve actually been empowered to look at my situation with clarity and … obviously voice my opinion that “its a bit $h!t, women get a raw deal”, and for once being taken seriously about it.

      That’s actually a bit sad. There may or may not be some scientific evidence around all of that, where many suggest that while women have their cycles, the hormones involved inclines women to “put up and shut up” more. I sorta subscribe to that thought based on my personal experience… and in recognising societal expectations of women — where women are pre-disposed to societal expectations that are completely different from men. While she’s of child-bearing age, she’s expected to “put up and shut up” more… where by comparison, when she becomes the crone, she’s either revered for her wisdom (not the likely scenario), or ignored all together (the most common scenario, by far). Hooray, patriarchy, which imho contributes to domestic abuse.

      Also given that almost all scientific study has focused on men, rather than women… because OMG, women have hormones and their bodies are always changing as a result of menstruation… and its too hard to have “stable controls” for any scientific method experimentation on women. (I got so many opinions there… anyhoo…)

      Anytime hormones are brought up, its inherently misogynistic, imho. I often have to catch myself on that as my children have hit puberty and I do have to catch/stop myself when referring to one over the other. Its just been so conditioned and it is horrid.

      I’m a big fan of Maisie Hill’s “Period Power” and “Peri-menopause Power” which is more inclined towards empowering yourself through hormonal cycles … but then also while possibly just riding on top of so many societal expectations about women in the various stages of life.

      You are not crazy cuz hormones. Your views are valid no matter where you are at in the cycle, or even if you cycle very little or not at all. Don’t let your abuser belittle you for your beliefs because of societal myths around a woman’s cycle. There are women pioneers & heroes all over the place where none of that ever came into question.

    • #165693
      Chocolatebunnie
      Participant

      Appreciate your support I’m really struggling with my myself and feel quite scared of my perception of things.

      I’m questioning my reality and how much is my fault, how I contribute towards all if this.

      Nobody is an angel we all get things wrong so maybe that’s the problem? Maybe I’m getting it all wrong. He has said I’m looking for abuse because of my upbringing.

    • #165706
      spiritedaway
      Participant

      Several people told me they thought I was going into perimenopause due to symptoms I have been experiencing over the last couple of years. I now believe that a lot of these symptoms were actually appearing because of stress and anxiety. So I would think that if you have both menopause and the additional stress and anxiety, it would all be a lot for your body and mind to deal with.

      Just because he says it isn’t happening does not mean it isn’t. His behaviour is not your fault.

      hugs

      • #165720
        Chocolatebunnie
        Participant

        You could be onto something here, as I am doubting myself due to a difficult weekend with him.

        Looking back at this weekend, he has stopped drinking and smoking weed and gone cold turkey. He has been doing this heavily since (detail removed by Moderator) and his mood has been awful.

        I feel like he tracks my cycles and he knows the physical symptoms to look for but isnt always right. so what has happened is hes thought he knew where i was in my cycle and then said your (detail removed by Moderator), your crazy and this and that! But he was totally wrong and I made a mental note of that one. What he thinks is crazy and me being moody is that i may have spoken up for myself.

        Yes definitely under a huge amount of stress genereally and then theres my husband adding to it. So symptoms are feeling worse now becuase of this. Unitl recently I felt i was managing well.

      • #165723
        spiritedaway
        Participant

        I have other health issues that seem to be subsiding and becoming more manageable as well, its quite incredible was stress can do to the body.

        You are not crazy you are under an unbelievable amount of pressure and you are surviving x

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