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Hello everyone, I’m new here, and I am struggling so much. After taking back an abusive ex after (removed by Moderator) year apart, here I am nearly (removed by Moderator) years down the line and I’m still putting up with it, but after a long list of things he has put me through this time, (time frame removed by Moderator) was the final straw…. But now I am doubting whether I have over reacted? This is the problem i constantly doubt myself and my own truth leading me to stay in the relationship with him, it’s almost surreal that this is happening to me yet when I talk about it I feel like I’m talking about someone else. I’m so alone in all this and I don’t know what to do….. I need reassurance that I’m not going crazy more then anything and that my morals are actually correct because I feel like my morals and values have been trampled on that much that they are made to feel wrong. (detailed/specific incident removed by Moderator)
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Hi Lilylocket,
Welcome and thank you for sharing about how you’re feeling.
It’s so common for women to question their own experiences of domestic abuse like you’ve described. The minimisation and normalisation of abuse by abusers, plus their tendency to blame their behaviour on their partner/ex adds up to this sense of not trusting yourself. I know that most of the women on this forum will have felt similar at some point, hopefully someone will be able to post soon to let you know you’re not alone in this, but you also might find it helpful to read through some of the old posts.
You could also contact our Live Chat service to talk things through with a support worker for some reassurance, or reach out to your local domestic abuse service for some ongoing support. The Freedom Programme provides information on domestic abuse to help women make sense of their experiences and you can search on the website for a programme local to you.
Take care and keep posting,
Lisa -
I just came across this and wanted to say I understand and I’m sorry your going through this. I have been with my other half for a long time we split for a period of time then got back together. The thing is it’s the same patterns of behaviour and being worn down over so long that do this to you. All I can say is listen to your body my mind will do everything to minimise and change the experiences I have had but the level of anxiety I feel in my body heart racing deep ache across my chest and shaking. I have now learned this is my body’s trauma response. My body is saying something’s not right and I think we wouldn’t have this reaction in a loving secure relationship.
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I came across this just now and couldn’t agree more. There’s so many times where you feel like you’re physically and mentally done but you almost think, ‘was it as crazy as it was’. Well it was. We have compassion in ourselves and therefore, we give benefit of the doubt. No one deserves to be made to feel unhappy, even for a minute. This is just one of the waves of emotion you’re likely to go through.
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