- This topic has 11 replies, 7 voices, and was last updated 7 years, 10 months ago by
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I have just been speaking to 2 women about my ex,neither of these have ever experienced any abuse. They belittled his behaviour & compared themselves as they do not have friends like he does, nt. I said someone who doesn’t have any friends is different to someone who doesn’t have any friends, takes his partner s money,frightens & controls them. I feel so angry, they have no idea what I have been through. 😲😲😲😲😲😲😲😲😲😲😲😲😲😲
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Urgh, this is how I have been finding myself feeling constantly. I work in an environment where we come in to contact with victims and survivors of abuse frequently, yet dispute this and knowing my full story my colleagues still belittle the abuse and have no appreciation for what I or others have to deal with or the long term effects of abuse.
My therapist says that we cannot expect them to understand and that the reality is that unless you’ve experienced something for yourself it isn’t possible to truly get it. It’s hard when there isn’t any empathy or attempt to get it though 😔
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Thanks girls. Me & this woman are now not talking, it has turned nasty & she told the other person that she does not want to work with me again. This was because I confronted her about belittling the pure hell that I have been going through, she was making not serious & unimportant his characteristics, the characteristics that have destroyed my peace of mind. I agree with serenity, some subjects such as abuse,politics & money are best kept to yourself unless you are sure of who you are disclosing to.😞😞😞😞😞
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Yes HA, it feels so invalidating and hurtful.
Ditto Winter blues, I work in a similar work environment where I feel colleagues ought to know better. It’s very triggering.
I heard this corker today, “don’t you think it’s so much worse seeing a man upset than a woman?” This about a man who I suspect put on an Oscar winning performance for her benefit. I attempted to question her calmly but I couldn’t let that go without comment. Misogyny is rife 😠 -
Yes PP i hear what you are saying. I was so angry today as this woman belittling abuse I really was. Then she had the cheek to make me even more upset by saying that I am a trouble maker and she did not want to work with me again. Some people have got no idea at all of the complexity of abuse……….. You could say to an “outsider” something like “he is giving me the silent treatment, or he put a note on my car saying me misses me”……….They would not understand that short throwaway comments like that are enough to instill sheer terror into an abuse victim. It made me sick her reaction to me. I was almost sectioned due to his mental abuse.
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I do not disclose what I have been through to anybody who is inexperienced with abuse.
Oblivious people can be very hurtful and dismissive.
That can set us back in our process of healing.
Lots of professionals who hold positions that require knowledge about abuse are very bad at their jobs. They are incompetent. They are emotionally unfit for their positions because they fail to even try to understand.
The latest famous example is the judge in the Ellie Butler case.
I came across many unfit for practice professionals.
Yet complaining about them is another story. I will be reminded by their managers that I am just a foreign woman and that I should rather shut up or worse will happen to me.
However, their names will appear in my letters to higher authorities, because nobody bullies me into silence and I am not scared of anybody. -
Thank you for your feedback Ayanna. I was really quite angry yesterday, this person had absolutly no idea what I had been through, almost sectioned due to mental abuse, she belittled it and compared herself to him in a lighthearted jokey way. This is a lesson well learnt, i will not discuss again with anybody on the ‘outside’. X
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